Infernal Teardrops

An angel sent from above.

2011-12-01T07:15:00.001-08:00

The first day of the last month of this year; 2011.

Looking back, so much things have happened.

So much that there's too much to list it out.

But there's just one good thing that I've been thankful for these days, in recent.

I thank God for sending me an angel from above,

just that when I lost all hopes in everything that I'd pinned on,

He appeared in my life,

and that changed my life.

The first time I met Him,

my heart was racing like wild fire,

it kept beating so rapidly,

so much that I could hardly breathe the right way,

and the pace gets all messed up.

My eyes,

they rolled around looking frantically for something to focus at,

so as to avoid those big wide eyes of His.

My hands,

they kept reaching for my phone in my bag,

trying hard to keep it occupied,

so as to distract my thoughts.

My ears,

it tried not to hear the soothing voice of His that amazingly calm my anxiety.

Every single part of me,

felt so uneasy~

but at the same time~

I feel so comfortable with His presence around.

At last,

I fell in for Him, irrevocably.

So much that I was taken aback myself,

how is it possible that he managed to break through those self-defensive walls I built around me~ ??

Just like that,

so easily that it got me speechless.

He's the reason for the smile on my face,

for the tears in my eyes.

He's the one who brought joy into my life.

Because of that,

I stopped having sleeping disorder-insomnia.

Because of that,

I stopped having heart relapse.

For every salted drop that rolled down my cheeks,

He was there to wipe it away,

He was there to love,

He was there to console,

He was there to cheer me up,

He was there to care,

He was there to advice,

He was there to teach,

He was there for me throughout,

not forsaking me,

pushed me away,

sad as I am,

I want Him, nevertheless.

For me,

I saw His efforts,

I felt His efforts,

I was happy,

really happy from deep within,

it's been quite sometime since I could really smile from deep within.

He's one who made an impact in my life,

one who made drastic changes in my life.

I've learnt how to take the public bus,

know my way around unfamiliar areas,

touring around places by trains~

tasted food that I've never did,

tried so many new things,

it was like a whole new wonderful experience for me,

all felt like a wonderful dream to me,

that would prolly not come true after all,

but it did,

however,

the more perfect it might seems to be,

the greater the fear within me rises,

afraid that everything would come to an end.

He's became something that I wouldn't wanna lose anymore,

I've lost too much things in life,

but this time round,

I just wanna be so greedy like never before~

So much that I became so overly obsessed,

I find myself so scary.

I hate myself for being this way.

Deep down,

I really care alot.

Maybe too much for what He might be able to withstand.

Letting things go on the loose,

but everytime I just failed to do so,

I get all worried about Him,

never knew that He could actually meant so much to me.

One that really treats me well,

unconditionally,

one that really accepts me for who I am.

Family?

I've lost it all.

The meaning of it,

is long gone.

Lingering around aimlessly,

is what I'd been doing all along,

silly me.

This time round,

it got me going gone,

never gon' turn back again.

Enough, 19 years~

I've been a puppet for way too long,

too tired to go on anymore in fact.

Right now,

the warmth and love I feel is from Him,

a place where I can call Home.

As the saying goes,

All Good Things Comes To An End,

Evil Always Prevail In The End,

This time round, please let it be otherwise.

I've never really begged for anything before,

all I want now,

is Him.

Nothing else.

Simple life, Happy life, Peaceful life,

enough,

contented enough.

Forever? Bullshit.

2011-10-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

Never would have imagined that you would be like the rest,
saying that no matter what you'll be there for me,
no matter what,
and now in a twitch of an eye saying that you give up and that you have reached your limit?
Yikes,
humans are really fickle minded creatures.

Moreover i made the effort,
but since you would want things to turn awry,
then that shall happen.
Not trying to understand my situation,
for how many times you have been giving me attitude,
did i even say a single shit about it?! No.
Nice, i have to take all that shit from you,
and you can't take just a moody side of me?
What a friend indeed. (:

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FRIENDSHIP FROM NOW ON.
FUCK THAT SHIT.

Ugly world.

2011-10-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

Bruised & numb.
Messed up world fill with darkness.
Sufferings and happiness,
contradicting.
I understood the obvious picture of L.I.F.E.
it was just an optical illusion.

How foolish i have been,
in the game called love that guys play.
How silly and naive i was,
to believe that it was true love.
To think that,
by waiting and loving unconditionally,
one day you'll come to realise~
that i was always with you all along.
But i failed to realise that,
i'm taking the wrong step,
i refuse to believe that you no longer love me,
denial was what i chose.
When i think back,
snapping back to reality~
i realise it was all just a dream that i created,
to make myself feel better,
by slipping into it time after time.
Not gonna look back now,
if one day~
you want me back,
i will not compromise.
You had your don't deserved chance,
but you blew it off.
Once bitten, twice shy~
true as it is like how the saying goes.

When things are too good to be true,
i take a step backwards,
fear of getting hurt again,
being taken for granted,
phobia of being lied to,
being used,
on the other hand,
i hope good things prevail,
not short-termed,
but till the world ends.

I learnt something called "pain".

2011-10-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

I feel as Defenseless like a relentless tide.
My tears formed two running rivers under my eyes.
Intimidated, fear creeping in~
Hasn't been great these days.
Tidal waves of helplessness~
being panic, vexation, resentment and annoyance.
Overwhelmed, I'm in a constant state of madness.

if everything is conspiring to deprive
me of the halcyon days I deserve.
All the efforts to protect myself from feeling unhappy;
had probably only made other people just as unhappy.
And in the end, I haven't protected myself at all.
At the end of the day, i ended up making people getting disappointed at me,
giving up on me~
Why? I thought i would be understood.
But i was utterly wrong,
no one would understand me more than i do,
yes~ myself.
I am a trouble,
I am a burden.

Am afraid that i might just shatter into pieces~
What if i can't do this?
What if i can no longer pick myself up anymore?
Who will guide me step by step?
Walk those babysteps with me right from the start all over again?
Maybe, no one will.
Even if willing~ how long will they be willing to be?
How much patience and time will they have for me,
or will they even think if i deserve what i need from all these?
Halfway through, will they just let go of my hands;
making me stumble and fall again.

So, I go to work, we all go to work.
Work drones on . . . . . .
The idea of getting out of bed and off to work everyday is gruesome.
Each day, I would peel myself off the bed.
Glanced in the mirror to check that I looked OK~
and not look hassled, which is the main thing.
I dress up for work because,
my dolled-up self will hide the pale-looking me with my stressed self.
I don't wanna let anyone see me wallowing in-self pity,
the pathetic state of me~
in another word, it hides away the sorrows that i didn't wanna show.
It'll then be gluing in-front of the computer screen
for ten or twelve hours a day, freezing in the cold air.
I couldn't imagine anything more soul-destroying than working with numbers and calls,
more spirit-draining than looking at words, typing and searching~
a day gone just like that, a daily routine.

Hangover.
I just wanna feel light-weighted.
At that moment just don't feel the heavy burden on my shoulder,
my mind to feel trouble-free.
Not to think of the words "vex & unhappy" at that point of time.
But silly me, it wasn't the best way out.
Next morning it all goes~
SNAP! And i'm back to reality.
It all becomes a vicious cycle,
going round and about.
Grasping my breath,
breathing hard,
holding on,
moving on,
gritting my teeth,
staying strong.

Falling in and out of love,
i don't enjoy that at all,
not even a wee bit.
Pain is what i learnt,
the wound inflicted,
the broken heart,
the permanent scar,
Cause if it wasn't for you~
I might forget, how it feels to let go.
Struggling,
a part of me wants and needs you,
another part of me doesnt.
Love is a killer.
Making myself the biggest fool,
seems to be my best activity.
HA-HA-HA.
Love? Too tired to go on anymore.
What is love?
How does it feels?
It all becomes a tragedy for me.
What a life.
Am tired of fighting,
tired of crying,
tired of break ups,
tired of heartbreaks,
tired of the excruciating pain,
is this what i deserve?
I don't deserve to be dote on,
to be cherished,
to be love,
to be treated right,
like how every girl does and will?
Mayb i don't.

Deep down,
within me,
it hurts.
It feels as though someone just cuts me apart alive with a knife,
thousand of thorns stabbing right into my heart,
pain in my chest,
left me feeling exhausted & drained~
am losing my breath,
even my last breath is gone.
I'll be fine,
don't worry.
Will i be alright?
I hope so.
I've been holding out way too long,
am just a mere human,
ain't no superwoman.
Please stop torturing anymore, life.

I can't take it anymore. Please.

Reflection Of The Past

2011-08-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since i sat down like now typing a blog entry.
So many things have happened, all too quick for me to jot them down.
Resulting the fluster right here; right now.
Can't imagine how fast time really flies~

Everything just happened in a wink.

Happy moments; Sad moments....

it all came at one go, i got myself getting on with it~

Moving on in life.

Be it in the areas of relationship, academic or even family ties~

there is improvements at the same time there is strained feelings between one another~

should i be happy or upset?

I really don't know.

Each time i think i would be happy,

but all that hopes came crashing down in the end~

and vice-versa.

This time after being exhausted of everything,

unexpectedly~

in this whole picture...

i had it~

Am taking the risk or should i say, one more chance for love~

I hope this time round it will really be different.

Otherwise, i really am not gonna now what am i suppose to do or even to move on furthermore.

Because i am risking all the cost depite of a already heavily wounded heart~

To survive,

i've tried looking for all kinds of job~

did some for a period of time,

yet i couldn't manage to stay at it for long due to certain reasons~

am still in the misst of job hunting,

and it is my only way of my means of survival.

Moreover, i've spent too much on unworthy people,

people whom hurt me so deeply like hell~

At times i really don't know who can i run to or even to trust~

Total upset with how things are or were and yet i could do nothing to change anything~

Am sucha big failure for that!

I am ranting on and on so far,

i seriously do not know where should start or even end~

Life, screw life.

It sucks totally,

but the only reason that makes me happy for now,

is only him. (:

Emotional Turmoil

2011-02-25T02:20:00.000-08:00

Hello all, It's been quite a while isn't it?

Snapping back to reality.
I'm scared of being happy, I think that the natural
way of things is for life to be grim and grey and dour,
to hate your job, hate where you live, not to have success
or money & god forbid a good boyfriend.
I actually get a kick out of being disappointed
and under-achieving, because it's easier.
I know, I hate myself this way too.

On a totally random note,
I feel that I need to fuss about someone's insensitivity and rudeness.
Of course I'm not saying who that person is.
I'm given the right to speak my mind but I with sensitivity,
have the decency to anonymize the person.
I was at that bus stop one night, upon arrival,
was about to cross the road,
i started pouring heavily.
I requested someone to fetch me an umbrella and walk me back,
that someone look at me up and down appraisingly,
as if reluctantly being forced to do so. RUDE.
I've always envied those people who spoke their minds,
who said what they felt without attention to social nicety.
but even so, one should be appropriate on the comments made.
I was feeling an F-sound forming on my bottom lip while that
someone went on and on yakkety yak! PISSED.
Can I be nasty? If I'm a 5, yours would be a -5 during then!
I've so much cuss words on my mind then,
but I filtered them all and just smiled.
You know what, It wasn't the first time I allowed that.
All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once,
if they know they can treat you like that,
then it sets the pattern for the future.
I gave that person a chance to treat me bad repeatedly.
Sigh, be nice, but not too nice, don't make a religion out of it.
Throwing the umbrella at me and walked off just like that,
in that big downpour,
a very unforgettable night.
I was HURT.
Hahaha, okay! I rant enough.

On V'day.
Here I am, after nearly 7 months of romantically barren months.
Of course there's boyfriend, but it felt as if i have none.
Occasionally, very occasionally,
i would feel that i do have someone by my side,
I feel pain-stricken and almost breathless with loneliness.
This too shall pass; i forgave.
But i can never forget somehow.
Deeply etched in my mind.

Love is the answer.
Keep moving and don't allow myself a moment to stop
or look around or think because the trick is not to get
morbid, to have fun and see the days as, celebrations; making myself happy!
Of my life and all the good times, the memories.
To try and lift my grubby soul for new start.
The laughs, all the laughs.
With all these in mind,
I wish i would really be happy from the bottom of my heart.
But i wasnt so.
Supressing myself, trying my very best to to let it out of me.
I dont wanna appear pathetic in front of people.

It was so much easier to be just them.
It was bleakly depressing to think that they were us.
If it was them, then nothing was anyone’s fault.
If it was us, what did that make me?
After all, I’m one of us. I must be.
I’ve certainly never thought of myself as one of them.
No one ever thinks of themselves as one of them.
We’re always one of us.
We're always selfish.
I am selfish.
I hate myself,
real much.

It should not interfere with my life, involved no decisions,
and should not bother and trouble me.
It should be them and not me,
but me is them, and them is us.
Much pain and headaches,
but in retrospect I had to see the advantages.

I am troubled by a remorse that I thought
would never reproach me.
But since it did, then I was wrong.

I say it best, when I say nothing at all.
I feel so remorseful.

CNY; 2011

2011-02-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

It's chinese new year.
Every year without fail,
it is a festive occasion that the chinese celebrates.
For me,
yes, i do celebrate~
but more of collecting red packets & house visiting,
not much of preparation. (:

I had reunion dinner twice,
one paternal's side,
another maternal's side.
Went to like only my family & relative house to pay visit.
Didnt go to any friend house to do visiting.
Sighs..
This year new year is kinda boring for me,
& not a very enjoyable one at that.
Hmms...

Besides that, this year's 2nd day of CNY,
falls on the same day as the 7th monthsary of me & boyf.
But... it's just like any normal day.
It is always me who surprises him that day.
When will it be my turn to receive a surprise from him?
The surprise that i receive,
is the same throughout these months.
And it's no longer a surprise to me,
it's like a routine.
So, should i be happy or be sad?
I dont even know the answer myself anymore.
There is just too much uncertainties.
Trust is still there,
but...
the feelings has turned dull.
The feelings are still lingering here within though.
Here i am,
still holding on,
still pinning hopes on this relationship.
But on ur side,
i dont know if you still feel the effort that i'm putting in,
or is it just merely taken for granted that you deserve to be given a chance,
not once,
not twice,
but from time to time.
Last,
no more than that,
because i'm really tired.
I dont want myself to get hurt again.
Even if until then,
i still love you as much,
i will let you go no matter how heart wrenching it may be for me,
i love you,
that's why i let you go,
that's why i go away.
If you're gonna hate me,
or feel that i'm selfish,
then it's alright with me,
i've given all i could in this relationship,
& i have no regrets at all,
be it now or in the future.
Happy 7th monthsary.
Am i really happy?
I hide my emotions with a smile,
i laughed it off to make myself feel better.

In just another day time,
attachment is gonna start again,
i'm gonna prove to those who think i cannot make it through this time round,
those who despise me,
those who bitch behind my back,
those who laugh at me,
i will prove to them that i can make it through,
& let's see who has the last laugh at the end of the day.

That all for now.
Adios.

2011-01-04T01:26:00.000-08:00

While everyone's reflecting the days that had gone by,
penning down their new year resolution,
I've my fingers on the keyboard,
having my brain cells fried thinking of my resolution.
It's no wonder they call brainstorm;
a severe mental disturbance, I'm disturbed.
my fingers remained stationary . . .
I went back to my past entries;
This year, I resolved not to write one as it's futile.
At least for me. I've never achieved what I've intended.
If need be, then my 2011's resolution will be the same
as my 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007 . . . if someone would get my drift.

2010 was a year of uncertainties, ambiguity,
fretfulness, incertitude, adjustments,
resentments, appeasement and resignation.. . .
These words concluded an unkind year.
Wow! Yah, I'm self-exclaiming too.
I must be the most ungrateful being you'll say.
Well of course not of all bad news.
I do have good days to celebrate and give thanks.
On bad days, i cuss & cry in all kind
Underneath all the bravado, I'm just a vulnerable wisp.
On good days I walked on air,
I felt the whole world
at my feet,
I felt my heart expand in warmth
& I smiled genially upon the world.
This is the extremes of my jollity and wretchedness.
This is also part of the reason for me being withdrawn.

Today is our 6th month being together...
time really passes real fast,
in just a blink of an eye it's already 6 mths!
Gosh!
Sometimes,
I get so consumed by unhappiness that
I forgot to look around me & apprehend that
the whole world doesn’t stop and suffer with me.
With time, I learned that I don't have to fight the tug
of rolling inertia, & that I should move along.
Somehow,
i feel so void within me.
I wonder what's wrong..
The feeling's too mutual,
so mutual to the extent that it feels so empty all of a sudden.
Oh well,
my thoughts are running wild once again.
But somehow i feel that there's a load on me~
i just can't seem to get it off my back,
it's kinda suffocating.
All along,
i've been wanting to ask him this,
but i don't know why i just cant seem to open my god damned mouth to ask.
Silence; i shall remain so.

Happy 6th monthsary.
♥♥♥

New Beginning~

2011-01-01T08:49:00.000-08:00

Hola 2011,
Adios 2010.
In a blink of an eye,
it's another start of a new year.
2010 was a tough one for me,
changes & setbacks happenned to me during this period of my life.
Somewhat it's unforgettable & meaningful one for me.
Of course, there are definitely good times & bad times.
But whatever it is,
past is past,
a new year spells the start of a new beginning.
Grudges & hatred are all left behind,
gone with the wind,
& heals as time goes by.
New year resolution?
Hmms.. currently,
i dont have any idea at all,
totally not.
Terrible isn't it?
Oh well,
all i wish for is that,
all my loved ones around me are happy & healthy,
& never leave me,
stay by my side always.
Simple?
But yet often the simplest wish is the toughest to be fulfilled.
School is starting soon,
it will b attachment for me again!
Gosh... might b a nightmare for me this time round.
For boyf, he finally got into the course that he had always wanted to get into.
In one way or another,
yes, i'm really happy for him~
but at the same time,
upset..
Somehow, i dont know why this increased my fear of losing him even more.
But, i chose to keep it to myself.
If it's meant to be,
it will be.
If it's not,
despite any ways & means,
eventually,
he'll leave.
In any case,
i'll leave it,
letting nature take its own course.
When the time comes,
everything will reveal one by one;
individually.

I shall end this entry here,
& until the next time,
wishing all a happy new year; 2011.

Merry X'mas! (:

2010-12-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

Wows!
People,
guess what?!
X'mas is arriving! :D
Santa claus is coming to town!
Hell yeah! (:
I got x'mas gifts already~ :D
Thanks uncle & family.
Much appreciated. (L)
Gonna have pearly & yeyen to my hse for x'mas party & dinner! :D
Omg! Excited. (:
Merry x'mas to all.
Alrights, i shall end here.
Party & enjoy everyone! :b

With lotsa love,
yumiko'

Enjoying life to the fullest.

2010-12-19T11:56:00.000-08:00

Haven't been writing here,
I attributed the lapse to busy work and languidness.
I'm here again like always,
this time not ranting out my frustrations,
instead i vent it out by going for retail therapy~
I've collected too much emotional junk deep within my heart~
I feel so far away everyone,
& without my own realisation,
i hurt people;
those whom i love,
those who are close at heart~
Sighs.

And as for job aspect,
i've shifted venue.
Working at this new place,
is the beginning of another;
bizarre freak show in my life.
My leg feels like it's welded to the ground,
my neck is aching and my eyes are red-rimmed
from standing & climbing up & down the ladder continously for hours,
looking for the shoes that the customers requested to try on~
When I talk to the loathsome lot;
aunties or should i say~
gossipmongers~
my blood starts to bubble & boil, like hot tar.
Very often, my words fly out on a swell of protest
but there's absolutely no way to talk sense into them.
My blood pulsated around my head &
I feel the need to let out piercing screams before
I erupt like a volcano, of course shrilling in the departmental store,
would just land me jobless, or in the asylum.
The nasty customers murdered the concept of a civilized nation,
ranging from wierd to eccentric~
which is in actual fact,
about the same.
Makes me feel like quitting~
& over this,
had an argument with my boss.
& it sucks bigtime.

As for love life,
everything seems to be smooth-sailing initially.
I thought i was the luckiest of the batch~
Happiest of the whole~
But now,
everything seems to be in shackles~
why is that so?
I was so exhausted that i almost gave up.
I dont wanna be tortured by the game of love anymore.
But i loved him too much,
so much that i couldnt bear to give it up just like that.
It would be a pity,
& it would mean it's gonna be sucha waste to do so.
So i decided to give each other a chance to start over anew,
a chance for both of us each.
I still love him though.
But our arguments are increasing as time goes by.
Although it might not seem to be we're arguing~
But to me,
it's my insensitivity to cause things to turn out thisway i guess.
I always feel that you might b better without me~
perhaps, maybe~
i should put a full stop to this story.
Or i should carry on~
hoping for miracles~
it really hurts at times~
love comes with pain.
it's a price to pay for love i guess~

2010 is coming to an end real soon~
2011 is arriving with uncertainty~
i wonder what's in store for me next year~
what the coming year holds for me~
2010 ends with the arrival of the x'mas season~
& countdown party for the coming year,
by then,
everyone would have a new year resolution~
for me,
i'm clueless about it~
how nice~

In the aspects of friendship,
all friends comes & goes~
i've come to terms with that long ago~
So far,
have been meeting up with BBG recently,
anytime when time allows us to do so,
to maintain this friendship between us~
to pour our hearts out to one another~
met up with friends that i've not seen for a long time~

Family~
Same as usual,
squabbles still goes on & on,
as though it's neverending.
Try to spend time with each & everyone of them before things happens,
& it's all too late.
Yes, it might not seem to b a happy family that i have,
one that i've always longed for,
one that i've always envy others of,
but i too realised that every family,
has their own domestic problems,
not surpirising~
I've come to realised that & understand~
at the same time,
accept the fact.

The time now is 4.50am.
I've not slept till now.
Eye bags are bound to show up tommorrow.
So, hello panda! :D
Hmms~ i shall turn in soon~
adios.

Why me?!

2010-11-12T02:40:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile since i last updated.
While typing this entry,
thoughts are whirling in my mind.
It's already 4 months plus with him.
Days are happy with him as always.
I should change some of my ways though.
Trying to be understanding.
Had been diagnosed of tonsilitis,
got a lump at the back of the throat.
Referred to NUH to see a specialist on the 23rd nov.
We'll see how things go.
Hope i'll be fine.
School's been a chore for me,
with everything that's going on,
"you're the one who set it up,
& u're the one who's pretending to be mr. nice guy now.
& making urself the victim, whereas i'm the criminal.
if i readdress myself,
things will go ugly for us both,
esp u.
i'm saving this "nice" reputation that u have for u,
in the presence & minds of ur friends,
dont wanna blow matters up,
but u're pushing me to it.
tell me, do u really want me to do that?~
if that case,
carry on bitching like a girl then.
i believe there's justice."
Let's see who has the last laugh eventually.
School has been hectic for me lately.
Project, tests~ etc.
Phews!
Good news for me is that,
i'm going to have my own photoshoot. (:
Cool. ^^
It's on the following week after next week.
Cant wait for it. :D
Michael's back in SG with us,
as much as i miss him,
i miss my guitar too,
wonder when could i get it back.
sighs.
That's about it.
stay faithful & read on for more updates.

Serenity.

2010-10-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

I just want to be left alone.
Away from the hustling & bustling of the busy city.
Peace & serenity is all i want now.
The tranquility of the water really amazed me.
How i wish i can be as calm as it,
then it would b great.
You'll have yourself clear out of every trouble.
My health is failing me lately.
I need to get back to the pink state of maximum health.
I might need a health-booster.
School schedule & activities has been draining all my energy out.
I feel so exhausted with this hectic schedule & school life.
Body functions of mine are starting to weaken.
Mind is starting to reject absorbing much information.

Somehow, i miss the days we used to have back then.
I feel that we've got nothing much to talk about or to start with recently.
Whenever i see my friends receive sweet smses from their bfs every now and then,
i really envy them.
Then i start to ponder,
they are in a r/s,
i am also in a r/s.
How come i dont share the joy like the same way as them?
I asked myself,
i told myself,
the feelings for him,
is still lingering deep within my heart.
But somehow, there's just something missing.
I dont know what's missing,
i just can't explain this feeling.
Gosh!
Oh well,
i'm too tired today.
Nights people.

Fragility.

2010-10-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden,
I don't feel a sense of belonging.
Somehow,
i feel as if i've lost myself.
I need to find the missing peice.
I feel so incomplete.
I can't go on like this.
I've lost my motivation.
Everything's so different now.
I wish I can rewind time,
& go back to how we used to be.
Hidden inside me,
there's a deeply embedded thorn,
that I simply can't remove.

The air around me feels so cold now.
I'm falling to the ground.
As I take a step forward,
my footprints leave a dark imprint on my mind.
I took a deep breath,
& I looked around,
then smiled to myself.
I reminisced the days we used to have,
the days which meant happiness to me.
My world was filled with colors.
Happy laughters was ringing in the air.
We cuddled in the dark, cold night,
sitting side by side in each others arms.
That was us then,
those were the times,
the days when we were one.
I wont forget.

I'll be fine.
I'll just look up to the sky,
take a deep breath,
& laugh it off.
It's alrights,
I can bear it.
I can continue smiling,
I can bear it! :D

Across the fields,
the trees still stand just as they were before.
The field,
the benches,
the trees,
& everything,
all are still the same.
No changes.
But why does it seem that everything has changed?
All our memories together back then,
Where have it gone to?
How long will it have to be,
for us to go back like how we were before?

So near, yet so far.

2010-10-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Those who loved can truly tell,
the heartache of parting without farewell.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process my life
with nobody around, i have worked my way through
despair, guilt, sadness, anger, loneliness, depression and cynicism.
I have spoken aloud to myself, screamed, shouted, wept and mourned.
And you'd think that someone would come and comfort you,
What came was only silence, it greets me and
i have never felt so alone, completely and utterly alone.
Like an addict going cold turkey, i have paced the floors of my rooms
with every emotion bursting from my skin.

Strange how it feels like many years, when it has really only been two.
How we delude ourselves into thinking that eternity is something
measurable, containable, or even possible.
The years went away without my permission,
so here i am, picking up the fragments of the past.
Even yesterday seems such a distance away,
but I'm stretching ... As i always do.

Perhaps I've been rushing through my life,
jumping into things head first without thinking them through.
Running through the days without thinking the minutes.
A blip that knocked everything off course . . .

How I've learned that it's the day to day things,
the ordinary, the mundane that keeps our motors running.
How extraordinary the ordinary is, how we have taken those for granted.
How it's a tool we all use to keep going,
How it's a template for sanity.

I'm not saying one should not harbor plans.
To most, it's something that keeps them going,
but to me, it's something that burdens me,
I fear that there might be some cruel, tasteless jokes,
that brings ill-thoughts, that keeps me flustered and lost, again.
I don't know if you will truly understand it. You must live to know it.

There isn't a day that gone by without missing you.
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
may looking back in memory help comfort my tomorrow.
Much much misses and love.

Internal Conflicts.

2010-10-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

I'm back.
Back to where i can express my feelings,
like it's an outlet of where i can vent my frustrations.
Past few days,
it has been a torture for me.
It's a torture for me not being able to see u.
We had many miscommunications going on.
I almost told myself it's time for me to let u go.
I had severe gastric pains ytd.
I felt the care & concern that u gave me.
Was really happy.
I knew that u still cared.
Dear, iloveu.

Another issue is with my class.
Oh well, i feel that my class isn't united.
I post it at FB.
And i get all sorts of comments,
they are pissed off with me.
And they told me they got 2nd placing in the class & that they are very united.
Oh well,
maybe i was wrong.
Yeah,
the class is united.
I AM NOT.
What a joke man.
I'm sure most of them have been bitching about me.
Like what he said,
I DONT GIVE A DAMN.
I've apologised,
if they still dont accept,
then that's really not a united class.
Hmphs,
just because i don't smile,
thn i'm showing stuck up faces?
So i should smile even when i am not in the right mood?
It's so hard to please everyone.
So hard to adapt to people's world.
Who's going to adapt to mine?
Oh well,
anyway~
it ain't important to me.
Friends come & go.
That's all i can say.
I'll face it with a smile. (:

And to that particular guy,
if u think i would feel guilty,
that's totally dumb.
You should know what u did to me.
I dont wanna spell that out.

Work tmr.
Time to turn in for the night. :D
This world is full of hyprocracy.

2010-10-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

How i wish things can go back like how it was in the past,
How i wish we can be like how we used to be.
Lately,
we've been short on topics to talk about.
Each time after every argument with you,
I am so afraid of losing you,
& that we'll break off.
In my heart,
you're really important to me.
I don't want our arguments & little fights,
drift us apart from each other.
I really hope to make this last with you,
be with you till eternity.
I really want you to be part of my life,
walking this long journey with me.
Meeting you,
was fate.
I am glad that i have you in my life.
Without you by my side for the past few days,
I really miss you alot.
I am so not used to it not having you in my everyday life.
Although we are still together,
but we're faraway.
It seems so close at heart,
but at the same time so far apart from one another.
As i looked at our past pictures,
I felt the blissfulness & happiness i once had all over again.
At that moment i sat down,
paused,
& i realised that only you can make me so happy.
Although it's just plain simplicity,
but it really made me feel as if,
i was the happiest person i could ever be during then.
Sometimes my world will turn dark,
grey clouds would gloom over the sky,
the blissfulness that i once felt,
would slowly fade away at times,
but the love that i have for you,
will never stop;
feelings that keep pouring put for you,
will never fade.
It will always stay within my heart.
And it will always be a part of me.
Sometimes i question myself,
how much do i really love you,
my answer is:
"my love for you is my top priority above anything else"
You're important to me,
more than anything else.
No matter what happens,
I wanna walk this path with you,
I wanna be with you,
sharing weal & woes with you.
You're like my everything.
I wanna love you,
but i dont wanna love you on my own.
I dont wanna love you one-sidedly.
If i am to leave this world first,
i would use the last breath that i have,
to say "iloveyou." ♥♥

1.2

2010-10-11T07:09:00.001-07:00

Wish you were here.

But it's alright,
I'll be strong.
I'll be fine,
don't worry.

Today's the 1st day of sch for in-campus; 1.2.
However, i am not a wee bit happy at all.
Sighs.
In fact,
I had quite a bad day.
Hit on a rough patch today.
School was hectic as before.
Somehow, the atmosphere in school was so wierd.
Totally different from before.
I realised i was all smiles,
but i wasnt happy deep within.
My friend caught me frowning,
i covered it up with a fake smile.
Gonna be real busy with work and studies from tmr onwards.
So many upcoming tests,
it stresses me out.
So much that i had a slight temperature earlier on.
Good thing that it came down afterwhich.
Sat beside him.
The feeling was wierd,
at that point of time i only wished that the clock would tick faster,
so that time would pass faster,
& i wanna get up of that freaking chair,
& walk away~
get him outta my sight.
I realised i seemed so afraid in school,
i build a barrier around me,
i hardly talk to my classmates around,
was afraid of i dont know what.
What's wrong with me?!
All of a sudden,
i lost a sense of belonging,
& a sense of security.

Dear,
i really hate argue-ing with you,
i dont understand why things have turned out this way now,
but i'm really upset,
no one manage to see the tears that flowed out from my eyes,
i was laughing hysterically,
that so amusing.
I am deceiving not only myself, but also others.
I really miss yoo alot.
Was thinking about you constantly today,
not a moment that you were off my mind.
Was happy that even we cant meet,
at least we can still text each other.
But even in texts,
we can still argue.
Sighs.
Is it my fault,
not understanding what u said?
Am i stupid or what?
I dont use my fcuking brains! ):
On my way home,
really ponder over alot of things.
Is this good or bad?
Should i stay or leave?
Really afraid...
How long can this last...
I still feel for you,
I still love you as much as before,
all along.
But..
if this goes on,
we wont b happy.
I am happy being with you,
but i aint happy being with you,
making you pissed off,
not understanding what u said or mean & end up in an argument,
I hate that. ):

Nights all.
Gotta turn in for the night now. ):

Lose Weight!

2010-10-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

LOSE WEIGHT

Hey,

Haven't been here for awhile.
Life's a state of normalcy.
Nothing high and low, I'm in-between.

I'm at that point in my life where things are neither good nor bad.
They could be better, but they could be worse.
I can't look at anything with a purely pessimistic or optimistic point of view.
I’m afraid because I think i am happy? I don't know.
Happiness like this is frightening.
They only let you be this happy,
when they are preparing to take something from you.
I wonder what's next. I do not have anything to offer.

I've been very, very busying with work.
And work is just work.
Nothing to talk about except that i hate it.

I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned,
or the way you think they should.
And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong
that don’t always get fixed or
get put back together the way they were before.
I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken,
and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times
and keep looking for better ones,
as long as you have people who love you.

I have,
Family.
Friends.
and you.

The days passed in a whizz just like that,
the thought of it makes me really mirthless.
Sure, happy things happened,
but the ending of it washes every joy away.

Sigh.

It's amazing and incomprehensible that some people
have that innate ability to cast away thoughts that are
detrimental to them in any way, and they could go on being happy.

And i can't.

I wake up wishing,
I have a life.
I have dreams.
I have ambition.
I have the capacity to love
and believe that i deserve it in return.

Most of all,
I wish i wouldn't have to do all these alone.

Nobody understands how much I miss you.
I miss how we used to talk and I miss all the things we used to do.
Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day.
I still think of you and I really do miss you.
I would give up everything I have just to be everything we’re not.
And to be like before.
I can feel the effort that you're putting in.

Everyone just think the opposite
of what i am, of what i think, of what i want.
Nobody understands.
Even when everyone says they do.
They say they know,
that they've been there, done that and survived.
But they don't know a thing.
They're not me,
They don't know a single thing.
They can't comprehend what is it like to be me,
the me in the mires of depression, pressure and strain.

They do not know that
I'm the type of girl who doesn’t get over things easily.
Who will beat herself up when someone doesn’t love her back.
Who will cry herself to sleep cause she feels she’s not good enough.
Who is afraid of not having enough time.
Who is afraid of quick judgments and mistakes that everybody makes.
Who is afraid of seeing snapshots instead of movies.

They too, do not know that
I’m the type of girl who can be strong.
Who knows how to anticipate herself for mental slavery.
Who knows when to embrace her own solitude.
Who can cry her eyes out then forbid them to come back the next morning.
Who will still smile when she is crying.
Who will live even when she is a ghost with a beating heart.
Who will choose to jump not to kill herself, but to fly.

Please, i am begging.
I want my days to be better.

When i get the shivers...

2010-10-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hey there, same old brand new me.

I barely write here anymore.
If you're still reading, here i am, again.
I do apologize for the sombrous me.
But i don't know who i can confide in.

Life, have been challenging.
It disturbs my physiological equilibrium.
The physical, mental, and emotional strain gave me pounding headache.
I am so worn out, so enervated.

I reminisced on younger days.
Life was carefree and untroubled, it was healthy.
When you’re young, you think everything you do is disposable.
You move from now to now,
crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away.
Those days were taken for granted . . . It's too late to regret.

The older I am, the more apprehensive I get.
I'm constantly worrying about this or thinking about that.
There are just so many issues and problems,
and that nagging pain that comes along with it, drives me nut.
I'm in this sticky predicament, like being trapped in a quicksand,
such that the more u struggle, the faster u die.
I know that i have been getting increasingly depressed,
and I also understand that no one could tell anyway, which is good,
lest i spoil the moods of people around me.

I want to get my mind off bad thoughts, think happy.
I yearn to huddle under the comforts of quilts and have a restful sleep.
To have at least 8 hours of sleep is an extravagant.

It was so long ago i planned for something,
I don't have the heart and the zest anymore.
I just want to stay home all day and just do nothing.
Having nothing to do and think about is lavishment.
Like today~

Well, now that everyone as commitments
and partners to occupy themselves with.
I'm left with my own self-time.
Which is good. I'm beginning to love being alone.
No sour feelings at all this time.
I don't feel hurt not being called to go for movies, outings and such.
I mean, the before me would probably feel the punch of being neglected.
But it's all cool now. I just need to know I'm still loved by you, and I'm satisfied.

I'm no tiny woman nor am i weak.
Yes, the harsh and weight of life might be too much to shoulder.
Though I whine, and I cry, but I know I'm blessed too.

I'm still me, though not as vivacious and cheerful.

Happy 3rd Monthsary.

2010-10-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

It's our 3rd month together.
Initially, i thought things was going way smooth.
I had that in u,
u had that in me.
But now,
things seemed so screwed up.
The fear that i am having,
is unimaginable.
Something that u would never understand,
& that u would never know.
Cried on the way back,
thinking that why have things turned out this way?
For a moment,
it seemed like a sweet dream to me,
but in a twitch of an eye,
it just turns into a nightmare.
That terrifies me, alot.
But still,
happy 3rd monthsary.
I still love u as much,
no doubts about that.
But how much would this be measured to yours?
I keep asking myself this question,
is it time for me to let u go?
Mayb u'll b happier that way?
Or i should stay on,
let myself fall for u even more,
into an irreversible state?
Iloveu.
But what is it to you?
That is something which i'd been pondering over & over again.
The 1st & 2nd month,
was a worrying period for me,
worried that something might happen to u because of ur pending case.
But now...
at least i can put that off my mind temporarily.
My heart,
my mind,
my soul,
they are failing me.
I need someone to pick me up.

Humans living in this world,
bringing themselves step by step closer to their own graves.
Humans slog their guts out,
chase after materials stuffs,
being realistic,
being money-minded,
being self-centered.
But when they are on the bringe of their deathbeds,
on the verge of losing their last breaths,
flashbacks,
remembered,
& regretted,
but it's all too late,
time will never wait for us,
neither can we rewind time.
One thing humans forgot is that we cant bring materials that we are having in this world to our deathbeds,
that is a really pathetic fact for most of us,
but it's a vicious cycle one can never escape.
It goes on & on & on.
Money matters,
it certainly does.
But a genuine heart,
matters more than anything else.
Somehow, humans often leave that outta their mind.

RANTINGS!!!

2010-10-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

I figured I better blog before a new week starts
and I get all caught up in a whirlwind that I call - my life.

I used to write here often, but i haven't got the time to anymore.
Still, i never leave.
This is where i rant relentlessly without being judge.
Okay, being judged or not, at least this is an outlet.
I just needed somewhere to collect my thoughts.
Those floating things that have inhabited my mind.

Evolvement. I'd put it that way.
Many things have changed. I had, apparently.
I can't deny it hasn't/haven't , because it's so obvious it had.
I'm not complaining.
Probably just sensing a nib of loss, just that tiny tinge.
I am suppose to be moving on with the motions of life.

I just hope we can deal with matters of fact rationally and maturely,
which most, even me, don't know how to most of the time.
I'm still learning.

We're all living like an empty shell,
cracking under the pressure of living.
And every awakening day is sheer hell.,
still, we live.

You know sometimes when you wake up in the morning and it's a new day,
and you felt like yesterday was a bad dream, or rather you wish it was.
We always think about what has happened and we get so absorbed
that we forget to live for what is now and what is to come.
I want to be able to draw strength from the past and move forward.
Might not be now, but eventually i will.

I guess many people's words and consolation can only do so much.
They do not count for an ounce of sorrow or lost that I'm going through.
But it gave me strength to live for those who continue to stay by me,
and i know that I'm always loved. Thank you, whoever you are :)

Depressing things aside.

I've been working for days,
this is the 2nd day.
Tomorrow will b the 3rd day.
So far, so good.
Made quite a few sales today.
My colleagues are all very nice to me,
they say i'm the happy apple in the workplace.. :D
Lols... i never knew that smiling all day can b real tiring..
my legs...
extremely painful~ ):

Dear, i really miss you.
Alot. ):

Exhausted.

2010-09-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

Here i am,
back to ruminate incoherently.

The toughest things are the hardest words to say.
They are the things I get sick of.
Things that seemed limitless when they are in the head,
to no more than living size when they’re brought out.
And they may cost me dearly only to have people look at me in a funny way.
Not understanding what I've said at all.
Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in.
Where the only person who can judge is yourself.

Nowadays,
when I looked into the mirror, into my reflection.
I think I knew who I was. Who I am now, I'm not really sure.
I feel out of element, like I've lost a piece of myself.
I am not scared. I am just perturbed.

Day by day, I find myself distancing from people.
Not that I don't like them anymore, not that I don't care anymore.
I just . . . It's just . . . I don't think I can take It any longer.
I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much.
I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break.
Even now, when people lean down to touch me,
or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder,
I hold my breath.
I turn my face.
I want to cry.

My mind, my heart, my body.
They just fail.

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments,
and glue them back together and tell myself that
the mended whole was as good as new.
I didn't like to think about what had happened,
but I was exhausted and my mind did an unstoppable turn back
to the memories I've always tried to forget, but never could.

My heartache magnify with people.
It's enough to break my heart.

I was good with forcing smiles,
I was so good with putting up a front.
I was even better at lying.
I tried very hard.
But now, my lips quiver when I’m faking a smile.
I don't want to go out pretending I'm fine anymore.
It just makes me want to die.

You'd say, It's fine to be myself.
That everyone would rather know my true emotions.
Think, and think again.
You would not welcome one with perpetually depressing thoughts,
however magnanimous and patient you are.
Say, you read this monthly and hate it.
How you are able to take it on a daily basis.
I drive myself crazy.
You won't want to be part of it.

I'm good being alone.

Everything is taking a toll on me,
I feel that it's really taxing on me.
How long more can i hold out.
Let's see..
No one understands what i am going through.
Disappointment again and again.
Years after years,
nothing changes,
except for the fact that...
it gets from bad to worst each time.
If only if this world aint so perplexed,
mayb things might have turned out better.

2010-09-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

For these past few months,
i've been thinking alot.
Whether i was right to move on,
after i left u,
after u were out of my life,
i was struggling,
but i told myself it would b the best for both u & me.
I tried to move on & start new relationship,
but i couldnt last,
until i met him.
Love blossomed once again,
he was special in his own ways too,
he brought me to the movies,
brought me out for dinner & too the zoo!
I'm happy when i am with him,
& that's the only period i can totally stop thinking of u.
Mayb u might hate me & bear a grude against me,
i can accept,
i wont hate or blame u,
because i'm not in the position to do so.
Lastly, no matter what..
u'll always have a special place in my heart.
I hope u'll find someone better than me.

Happy 2nd monthsary deardear! ^^
Although it's just a short period of time being together with u,
but i'm really happy! (:
We may argue at times here & there,
but we can face it like adults,
i'm really happy that we are open up to things & topics,
it really makes communication much easier.
I love the way you look when u're serious,
I love to eat the food that u cook for me,
I love the way how u imitate me at times,
I love u lorry loads! (:
I love u for the way u love me for who i am. :D
Dear, right now my biggest worry is ur trial on the 13th.
I really hope nth will happen to u,
in life i've alrdy lost alot of things,
i cant afford to lose u this time round,
u mean alot to me.

So far, i'm having clinical posting still.
I know i've not been posting for quite sometime now,
& i can really officially announce my blog is dead.
But, what for?
Own time,
own pace,
i shall update my blog. :D
Through this posting,
i really learnt alot,
grow up alot from it,
gained alot of experience from it also.
I can see clearly how life can b so realistic at times.
But the satisfaction i egt each time when patient are nice to me,
being happy & thankful,
able to go home with a happy heart,
is what makes me perservere up till now.
Because it's something i can never buy with money.

I've been falling ill alot lately also.
Deardear has been very sweet & caring towards me also when i fell sick,
including uncle. (:
Last but not least,
i would like to say,
yes.. for one more time...
i trust in god,
i hand over my life to him once again,
but i am not committed yet.
I need time to adjust to it.
Moreover, i've been so busy with my hectic schedule,
so much so that i dont even have time to attend cellgroups & services. ):
But i will go back to the presence of god soon.
That's about it.
Nights people.

2010-07-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

i'm tryin' my best 2 4get him,
it's only whn i'm wif u,
thn i can don't rmb him,
& spend my day happily.
But wad i wan is, i wan 2 4get evrytink totally.
Wadeva ppl wanna say abt me,
i don't wanna care anymore.
B'coz whn i'm wif u,
i don't nid 2 pretend,
i can b myself.
This is all tht i wan all along 4 the past 2yrs plus...
but i can nvr find tht...
i lost myself,
2 a extend tht i don't even knw who i m anymore.
Now, i've found myself again,
& i don't wanna lose it anymore.

I know i've been so selfish...
but sorry,
all of you didn't make me forget him,
not even a single second,
call me bitch,
call me slut,
call me flirt,
call me whatever u guys want,
but all i can say i sorry.
We're not meant to be.

& as for deardear,
although i don't know since when i started to fall for u,
but my feelings for u are genuine,
you pick me up again from the bottom pit,
& i hope you'll hold me & not let me fall again,
i've place the last bet that i have,
& this time it's like a gamble to me,
it's either i win it all,
or i'll lose everything.
The open wound that i'm having now,
it's not totally healed yet...
i need time...
but i hope you'll not add in to it again...
let's make this work together.
iloveyou.

It's over.

2010-07-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

I still can't get over him.
I hurt someone because of him.
And it totally sucks.
Typing down my emotions here,
making me really hate myself even more.
It's funny though,
the only time when i can totally not think of him throughout,
is only when i'm with him.
I don't know why,
have i fallen for him?
Which i think it's totally impossible...
Or is it just me thinking too much..
Sitting here,
not getting in the the middle of nowhere,
my mind feels empty.
But, i don't know why i'm always happy with him,
i can really smile from deep down within..
& i don't need to fake a smile.
Arghs.
I gotta stop these wierd thoughts.
Kays, bye peeps! (:

2010-06-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

can y'all see me? (:
Lols, yups~
Went to yufeng's b'dae chalet on friday~
It was awesome.
Had alot of fun,
ah xian kept cooking food for me also.
Eat till like one fat ass man! ;x
Hahahs~ those guys are real funny! (:
Enjoy being with them.
All gentleman. (:
Lols...
but halfway through,
i remembered him.
I was like WHY?
Why at this time,
why when i am enjoying & having my fun?!
I totally made my mood went down,
to the lowest! -.-
Going to the movies tmr with friends again~ (:
Yah, after break up, if he can take it so lightly,
i don't see why i should be like,
as if i'm gonna die soon...
I should brace up & lead a fulfilling life,
do things that i cant do when i'm with him. (:
I'm a free bird now,
i don't need to behave as if i am still living in a cage...
But i will know my limits.
Shall update again soon.
Stay tune people.
Loves,
yumiko'

where the memories start,

is where i should end the memories.

2010-06-16T03:09:00.000-07:00

It's been quite sometime now since you're in Indonesia.
I'm happy for you that you're happier there.
I've never been in contact with you for quite some time now,
I hope you're doing fine.
I have been reading your blog recently,
I feel like crying whenever i read it.
When you're in Singapore still,
I hated you alot,
I wanted you to get outta my life so badly,
I wanted to have peace.
But now,
when we are a thousand miles apart from one another...
I realised,
I'm starting to miss those days that I had spent with you in Singapore.

I miss bickering with you,
I miss sleeping together with you,
I miss you snatching my stuffs,
I miss you making me angry,
I miss seeing you throw your fit,
I miss playing together with you,
I miss going shopping with you,
I miss meeting friends with you,
I miss you making pinky's voice,
I miss you calling me sleeping beauty,
I miss you eating up the food i can't finish,
I miss your cooking-instant noodles,
I miss hearing you scolding vulgarities,
I miss you complaining me to mommy,
I miss almost everything about you.

In the past,
I used to find you irritating,
a nuisance to me.
But now,
I realised that your importance,
a part of my life.
I didn't realised that till today.
Right now,
all i hope is:
you'll change & b the sister,
that i once knew in the past,
when you're a little girl,
sweet & innocent,
not scheming at all,
a girl who will put her elder sist,
priority of anything,
a girl who shares everything,
with her elder sist unconditionally.
The little girl whom i used to love & dote on~
I really wish that i can rewind back the time,
& go back to where we was before,
when things hasn't turned awry.
Take care sist,
iloveyou.

It's time to let go & move on!

2010-06-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Lately, i've been thinking bout what i can do.
I'm not in the best of mood to really do anything at all~
Went to places that we've been to...
Places that were once filled with joy & memories of you & me,
have now become cradles of excruciating pain.
I don't know why it hurts so much...
Never would have expected that it could hurt so much as now...
But i guess it's time for me to let go of the past and move on.
Had to go for a bbq session tomorrow at east coast park,
but i refuse to go in the end...
There is alot of memories there of you & me,
i don't wanna be reminded of it...
i'm afraid i'll burst into tears again.
Yesterday i cried before i sleep...
After crying, was so tired that i actually dozed off~

There's a jerk who's getting on my nerves right now...
Bombing my phone with SMSes & Phone calls...
omfg. -'-
Do i have to announce to the world that i broke off & like tell people say:
"hey~ i'm single! Come on & get me yo' "
That's ridiculous...
And i didn't have a contract with u,
& you're rejected dude! Got that?! -.-
Whatever u wanna say,
i don't care anymore.
Just stop pestering me u bug ass... -.-
Your friends who don't even knows a shit, keep on commenting rubbish eh~
Ask them to tell it all in my face~
Don't give me this crap of what you dont wanna involve them in yea,
you already did so by mentioning them... -.-
Moreover, i dont intend to get into a marriage so soon yo'
like hello~ how old am i only?!
What the heck man... -.-
Irritating freak,
pissing me off,
making me cry for nothing. -.-
I am not gonna be your GF~
CLEAR?!
Think whatever way you want eh...
yeah, i deserve all these shit...
I didn't say that i am a princess too,
so don't put your fcuking words into my mouth... -'-
Whatever i've typed in & you saw,
post on my tagboard for all you want,
cause i don't freaking care anymore!
Work 2 jobs for me...
Yeah right! -.-
So did i asked u to do so?
You did it on ur own accord dude...
don't blame people.
Since you wanna play jerk with me,
i'll b a bitch to u! -'-

And to him:
I know that i'm being unfair to you..
I'm sorry.
I really don't wanna go into a relationship just yet now...
I know that this ain't right at all,
& it ain't suppose to b this way,
but i hope u'll understand.
I'll need to get over it & move on first,
i don't know how long i'll need in order to get over it completely,
so i can't promise you anything.
All i can say is sorry.
When i read your blog,
i felt so bad..
I feel as if i'm being so selfish...
But i don't want this either...
Neither would i want things to happen this way too~
Lately, i've been short-tempered..
Getting angry over the slightest matter,
i didn't meant to hurt you too.
I sincerely apologize for my harsh tone...
I just...
I feel so sick and tired of everything...
I don't know why i'm behaving like this now,
i know i seem out of sorts lately,
but i'll try to get back on my feet as soon as possible...
When i read your blog,
i was surprised that you remembered every detail so clearly,
i was really sad & happy at the same time,
sad cause i feel it's unfair for you,
happy because i know that u are serious.
But right now,
i really don't wanna think about anything else first...
I need a break..
A long break...
Just so exhausted...
I hope you'll give me some time,
i don't know how long...
Thank you for being understanding... (:
I really appreciate it alot.
Really, it's a great comfort to me.
Thank you.

2010-06-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

When there's a beginning, there will always be an ending.
Sweet beginnings, sad endings.
However, some would have happy endings.
But for my case, i don't know if it's a happy ending or a sad ending for me.
Tryin' to adapt to my new environment now.
School holidays are still going on...
Boring is the word to describe it.. ):
Should i say i deserve this? (:
Don't know what to type...
Not in the mood to all of a sudden,
another headache is, to get a new Lappy! );
Okays, i shall end my post here.
Buh-byees! ^^

Slap me Please!

2010-06-06T05:53:00.000-07:00

I've been going out lately,
I don't know how am i suppose to face you.
I've been struggling with my emotions,
I've been smiling when i'm outside,
laughing with all my might...
but deep down, i dun feel a wee bit happy at all.
I know running away doesn't solves any problems,
But i need to just get away for a moment...
I can't believe i would have done something so atrocious like this,
ridculous to the max.
I feel like slapping myself to make myself wake up!
I know i can't continue to dream anymore... ):
But i hope, just for this week, let me clear all my appointments...
before i face this problem.
I hate myself to the max!
I never imagined that i could do something like this..
Why have i become like this?
SIEWMIN! WTF ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?! GAHS!
Really don't know what am i thinking about...
how does my brain even like function?!
Shit ass! -.-

2010-06-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

i'm so tired...
i've made a stupid mistake...
how i wish i can turn back the time,
and made another choice all over again,
go back to the past and make a path that i would not end up like now...
but it's too late for regrets,
because it had already happen...
i guess it can happen to anyone of us in any point of time in our lives...
it happenned to me...
now...
everything seemed to be dashed...
just like a magic spell,
*poofs* and everything disappearred...
i feel so stupid...
hate myself so much now...
why? why?? why?!
why did i made that choice? ):
now, i'll just accept whatever that i'm going through...
i deserve it...
i feel like banging my head against the wall...
aww man!
breathless...
i am selfish...
i admit i am...
i am a bitch...
i admit i am...
i hate myself...
i hate myself...
i can't do anything...
but i hope things will get better...

okays, now, school stuffs....
friends comes & goes..
somehow i feel that some people are drifting away from me,
on the other hand,
some are somehow closer with me than before...
well, that's life i guess...
i hate farewells...
clinical posting coming soon...
another hectic period for me,
but at least it will keep my mind occupied to stop me from thinking about anything...

my kitty,
hoppy has a girlf already...
it's sick today.
i hope it will get well soon.
grandpa, diagnosed of lung cancer...
tumour is positive... ):
i don't know how long more can he live...
i am afraid to visit him...
i am afraid if i visit him, he has all his wish fulfilled,
he will pass away...
i dont want that... ):

AHHHHHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vexed~ ):

Hectic... Hectic~ Hectic!

2010-05-16T02:02:00.001-07:00

I'm held up with school activities recently, school is so hectic for me that i can hardly even take a good break. Holidays coming up... i need plenty of rest~ (: After my holidays are over, I'll be doing my clinical posting. Job attachment at hospital... kinda worried about it though... For this term i've passed all my phase test for the course module, but right now what i'm worrying about is my theory tests... there's another upcoming bio and nursing studies theory test... Gawd, please help me pass. I hope i can make it through~ :D School's hectic but fun... I've made some real good friends~ ^^ Like, sufian, hadi, yeyen, melissa, ryan, shahidah, anisah, nicholas, marilyn, saadah, and many others... they made me realised the fun of going school, being together learning and having fun~ ^^ I went to eat at seoul garden with shahidah and her family & also a classmate of mine.. boy~ (: lols. shahidah's younger sister was like adorable uhs... hahahs, she kept bombarding us with alot of funny fun questions~ ;D I enjoyed myself with them alot yesterday. It's been quite sometimes since i can laugh out like that~ for a moment i felt so carefree... w/o any thing going on at my mind... but still i have to come back to the reality and face it~ Sometimes, i think i neglect those around me somehow. But i didn't mean to do so, seriously. I have no intention of doing that at all. But still the fact is that, it happenned. Sometimes, i also feel that we have to reflect on ourselves every now and then... because others might always see and spot what we usually don't in ourselves.

2010-05-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

When i look at other couples~
I see them being lovey dovey...
When i look back at us~
I see us always quarrelling...
As days passed,
my fear grows stronger~
I'm afraid that one day we will end up being strangers like before...
This is the worst thing that i wouldn't ever want it to happen...
Seeing you being so angry and agitated each time you talk to me,
i feel so guilty,
i feel like shutting myself up...
Mayb if i hadn't enter ur life,
u might have been better off without me...
How i wish i was a mute,
or someone who's deaf...
At the very least, i won't let u get irritated with me...
I know i am not perfect,
but i want to be the one who's perfect for u,
but in my heart i know,
no matter what i do know,
i will always be imperfect to you,
as you've sentenced me the section number that i am guilty for...
and put me into jail term...
no matter how much i try to turn over a new leaf,
you'll still rmb my past and sentenced me with it...
isn't it??
I have people around me,
who really cares about me,
i know that.
But the care and concern that i want from the most,
is actually u.
But...
i hardly sense that now...
When i'm sick,
you went other places...
i thought u'll be coming to school to fetch me home...
i even told my friends and they know i'm happy about it...
but... in the end... i ended up going home myself...
I told myself, never mind, maybe you're busy with stuffs...
i comforted myself so as not to think so much...
Remembering that it's our monthsary during this day...
i went popular to buy something to put in all the stars that i folded for u,
despite my hectic schedule in school,
because u're really important in my heart...
on the way home you even asked me...
are u really sick?
or are u just faking it??
i calmly replied... really sick...
but honestly, at that point of time, i was devastated.
But i hold on to my expression...
pretending that nothing has been heard or said.
Buying cosmetics which cost a bomb,
is a waste,
buying a wig which also cost a bomb,
isn't a waste.
Buying cosmetics that are running out soon,
and also stuffs that i need,
is a waste,
yet buying a wig that isn't as urgent as it is,
isn't a waste??
I'm not saying that it's a waste, but also at the same time i'm pointing out the fact that it's contradicting to me.
Also u mentioned that anyway, i'll be getting bursary money soon... so yea...
And it's like precisely~
If you see this post,
i'll confirm you'll be thinking like this:
aiyah u think that everything you do is the right thing
But this isn't what i'm trying to express in this whole post.
What i meant is that, you always say that i speak and do things in a contradicting manner,
but now you're also contradicting urself...
On the contrary, you're also doing the same thing~
Isn't it??
Out with my friend,
you always seem so aloof,
i know u inside out,
i explained to my friends,
not all can accept.
When they don't, you'll have something to start again.
But in anycase...
if this goes on,
i guess imma gonna flunk all my tests,
because each time after quarreling with u,
i can't focus at all...
who would have the mood to continue with what u're doing after a fight?!~
If i flunk all my test, and i can't make it through this course...
till there's no end but just one last choice is to withdraw from the course,
as it is pointless staying on when you know nuts at all...
you'll say i gave up halfway through~
isn't it??
so tell,
whatcha want me to do or say??

2010-04-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

Hello people! (:
OMG, it's been a long time since i really updated my blog. ;x
I've started nitec in nursing course in ITE College East.
My schedule is super hectic. ):
However, i really learnt alot of things. =]
Some of the things learnt are somehow applicable in my daily life. (:
After school, things aren't as smooth as i wanted it to be.
Moreover, sometimes i have something to just voice out, i can't.
All i can do is to keep it to myself. ):
But whatever the case is, upcoming days i'll be damn busy.
I might not be able to update my blog as often as now,
but still i hope there'll be some faithful readers. :D
Bye everyone!
Goodnights to all~

Random. (:

2010-03-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

i've been going for jogs recently. ( i need to slim down! )
been busy going out lately... when school term starts, i don't think i got the chance to go out as often as now.
mum & sist. are back in SG today, & will be here to extend their visas. They'll be staying here for 2 weeks. OMG.
i miss my kitten, hoppy. Glad that hoppy's out now. I miss money too, my dog. I wonder how it is now. D:
i am excited about school... but i know once school start, it's gonna be hectic for me. I am so afraid i will neglect people around me. Especially boyf. But i know he'll be understanding. (:
i'm together with boyf for 1 year 9 months plus already. looking forward to our next monthsary.
lately, i am on a crazy mood for shopping. went on a shopping spree. i bought alot of stuffs. & i picked something which i never expected in my whole entire life. So happy. Shhhs~ it's a secret! ^^
i miss my grandpa. & it's been awhile since i've been to grandaunt's grave. i think i should find a day & go with grandpa. (:
have been eating haywired lately, i need to get on with my normal diet plan. Ahhs!
Next up, i have to apply for the bursary from the school, & i gotta write the self-declaration form asap. I keep forgetting. ;x
& i'm turning 18 this year! yays! ^^
ohmy, i can't upload my pictures... ): sobs*
my phone is repaired already, woohoos~
i need to top up my credit. :D

okays people, for those who want me to relink or link u up, i'll try to do so asap. For those who passby my blog, leave down a tag at my board & let me know who you are, with ur web link so i can get back to you easily. (: For those who comment me, thanks for tagging & all the encouragement. All of you are much appreciated by me. And as for now, i'm turning in. Goodnight to all. (: Sweet dreams~ Stay & be my faithful blog reader okays? Byee. (:

--------------------------------------------

Dear diary,
i realised that time is really passing very quickly.
In a twitch of an eye,
i'm already turning 18 soon.
School term is also starting soon.
I don't know what the future holds for me,
but i believe each day will be better than another! (:

yumiko'

2010-02-26T02:35:00.000-08:00

Hello people, it's been quite awhile sine i left my blog untouched.
Many things happen in a flash,
so fast that i could hardly have the time to really react to it.
Okays... i shall just elaborate about the main events.

21st Feb 2010; Ting's B'dae.

At night i saw ting and mum downstair on my way up to my house, i waved at them but they didn't recognised me. -.- At a closer look then they realised it was me. I wanted to go up, but my mum asked me go up auntie Judi's house. When we reach auntie's house, uncle had a cake on his hand, he came out with the cake singing happy birthday. It was ting's birthday. Lols. Own family also never celebrate but rather it was outsiders who did so. But still it was rather heartwarming. After cutting and eating the cake, ember, ting & me played with cosmetics. We helped one another to make up. (:

24th Feb 2010; A hectic day.

On this day, dad & mum brought me & ting shopping at Bugis Street, it was the first time we went there together as a family. That would also probably be the last time. I bought myself a chanel inspired bag & high calf bootie heel & 3 pairs of earings. (: Not my own money of course. We also went to the vetinary clinic for hoppy's appointment for a health checkup. The stupid doctor grabbed him so hard until it shrieked in pain. OMG. Heartpain. T.T ( hate the doctor )Then at night minyu, xing le, bernice, dave & sahirah had a farewell dinner with ting. After dinner, we had a photo taking session & hugging session, afterwhich we went home & sleep.

25th Feb 2010; The flight.

This day seems so rush, time seem to be very insufficient. But nevertheless, everything went as planned. Ting & mum flew to jarkarta from singapore on 3pm. Hoppy went over with them too. Poor little thing was scared out of its wits. It was the last time i saw Hoppy.

Summary of everything:

Althought parting with ting & mum seem to be like a none of my business thing, but i don't know why i cried, ting kissed me. My mum also, my dad also cried... The atmosphere was very wierd. Then did i realised that each & everyone of us cared alot for one another but in a very different way, but no matter what what's done can't be undone. Now we can only look towards the future. I hope that Hoppy will grow up to be a healthy cat. (; I hope that ting will come back as a changed person, the sister that i once knew in the past. I hope my mum will be happier there. And as for my dad, i think the most remorseful one is him. I can sense. But I just hope that he will be able to complete whatever he want to do for his plans from now on. And as for me, focus on my studies now. Perservere till the end. Wish me Luck.

Ting, if u happen to see my post, please rmb what me & zhiming tell you. Like what u see in the letters. All the best. It's never too late, if u learn to change. Everyone has a past, it all depends whether u wanna step out of it or not & make a brand new start, to lead ur life better. Everything i do for u, i never wanted to harm you. I want to protect u. That's all. But from now on, u're on ur own. Goodluck & take care at indonesia. Loves.

2010-02-09T22:07:00.001-08:00

Dear diary,
alot of things happen recently,
it all happen in a twitch of an eye,
so fast...........
too fast that i can't comprehend what will happen,
neither can i turn back the time to see what really happenned.
Siewting was found by parents and brought back home.
She has caused me alot of trouble.
My heart has really sunk to the deepest,
so deep that i myself couldn't retreive it.
I gotta learn to be independent.
How long can i depend on others?
Boyf was the only person i thought i could find the assurance in,
the feeling of being very comfortable and safe,
but now...
Everything seems to be different.
Valentine's day falls on the same day as Chinese New Year,
most people are already in the mood of these festive season & special day.
Although the day hasn't arrive yet,
people are already shopping for stuffs and gifts...
busy preparing for the upoming events on that day.
It should be a joyous occasion isn't it?
But why somehow i still feel empty deep within?
I smile, yes i smile,
I laugh, yes i laugh,
But why i don't feel happy deep within?
This kind of feeling's really terrible. ):
I don't like it at all,
not at all.
My mum says why i show that kind of "shit face" when i am home these few days...
why? I myself don't know why. All i know is i wanna get the hell out of that house.
If your loved ones are going to another country for a long period of time, will you miss them?
Will you bear to see them leave?
I wish they will leave faster, & don't come back...
I plan to go back to see them also, but now...
I don't see the need to do so.
Yes maybe i will miss them occasionally, they are my FAMILY after all, but i won'tdie w/o them i guess, who knows maybe my life would be better w/o them?? (:
Think positive.
I don't wish to answer any questions when i'm at home,
do whatever y'all want for all i care.
YAP SIEW MIN, NO MORE THIS KIND OF LIFE, I DON'T WANT THIS KIND OF LIFE, IT'S ENOUGH.

My mind's in a whirl.

So blank right now.

I don't know why this is happenning.

Don't care, don't know, don't think.

Best way.

Signing off,

yumiko'

OMG.........

2010-01-28T17:46:00.001-08:00

alrights, so many many many many things happen.
i can't go poly. boyf said sometimes or rather many times in life we can't get what we wanted. but, i believe as long as i have the heart, there will still be solutions for me.
I'm gonna stay in SG alone. My mum bringing my younger sister back to indonesia soon. And my dad going to australia afterwhich.
I am staying here for several reasons:

Boyf's here.
Education here is better.
Break free from parental control, not as in total freedom, but lead a life that i want

actually i'm kinda afraid of being here alone, what if anything happens, who can i run to? who can i depend on? but boyf said he will support me, so i quite relieve, at least i know that he's here for me. (: i luv him to the max.

well, that's all for now i guess, i'm currently making final decisions as to study which course. i wanna study. and this time it's not just say say de. i have never been so sure before in my life. I don't know why but just a kind of feeling. (: although can't get into poly, although i can go higher nitec, but i think i wanna go nitec in nursing. start from the scratch. it's a new thing for me. i hope everything goes smoothly and i have to get it done before new year. :D

2010-01-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

went to expo service with sylvia and rest ytd.
had a tiff with boyf for just something that i said out in a joking manner which did not seemed the same to him.
argument dissolved.
looking forward to 12 december chalet.
Mingwei told me alot of things which really made me gave up totally on her, anyway in march u're going back. So, please do enjoy ur stay here for u might not be able to come here again. Take care and best regards to you. That's all i can say.
I don't know if i should go nitec or higher nitec. ;x

sometimes, i really don't know what u want from me. Puppetry is like a destiny that i'm suppose to go through. Although parents are one problem, but another is the one i love the most, and yet i get this kind of treatment from all my loved ones. If i post it here, and after reading, y'all fee irritated, but don;t i have the right to vent out my frustrations by typing? Must y'all be happy only when i really go bonkers??

End of story!

2010-01-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

Everyone, xiuting is back. Thanks for all the help from people like joseph, yuting, Leah, kornkic, etc. Thanks loads. (:

Oh-my-gawd. My nose bled ytd out of a sudden. I seldom have nose bleeding problems. I guessed it's because i'm too stressed up perhaps. ;x And abit of headache also. Damn. Makes my head spin like mad. Ytd boyf bought me to polyclinic to see doctor. And thanks for taking care of me when i'm sick. (: This morning when i woke up, my nose bleed again. I watched all momo love's episodes. (: Happy ending. ^^ I watched the latest episode for hi my sweetheart also, rainie yang- bao zhu found out that show luo- xue hai is actually the same person as dalang- a character that show luo played also, dalang is actually a rich men's son. Being overprotective of her little brother, his elder sister registered his university school with the name lin da lang, so as to hide his identity of coming from a wealthy family. And during his univerisity days, he met bao zhu jie, a fierce yet kind at heart girl, & the story goes on. Wanna know more?? Go to youtube or sugoideas.com to watch it for free! (: My o levels is out. I would most probably be going to higer nitec. ;x But i will study hards! (:

2010-01-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

Here's some overdue pictures for the event:
Ray's B'dae; 2009 countdown; MJ's Zone Appreciation Day.

P.S.: Can y'all spot me?? (:

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHS!

2010-01-19T07:18:00.000-08:00

stop sayin' laa. hate it when i reach home and there's so many complaints to me, and so many things that u're unhappy, and u put it on me. blabbering non-stop. stop that, i'm just a teenager, i dun have to take all these from u. Yes, u're my mum, but please, we all have our rights to argue back if we're not in the wrong especially being accused. And i wish i can break free from ue control cause it sucks. No freedom, whatever i do u doubt, and u think u wanna control everything. IMA big girl now. Why can't y'all be more open minded parents?? One who i can share anything with and talk like a friend with. U ask me to do so to u, anything share with u, yea i say something that doesnt please u, or not to ur liking, u yell, u said u're telling, like duh, telling and telling me off is A VERY BIG difference u know. u're making me sick of going home. outside life is not as great as staying home, but at least it can spare me from all that unwanted noise. I try to be good, but u still ain't satisfied. yea yea yea, xiuting is like that because of me. Everything is MY FAULT. SATISFIED??! -'- Why don't y'all think back??? -.- like as if u're super great parents, and do i have to be grateful for how u took care of me? u said u hit me scold me for my own good, and to discipline me, yah right! Is throwing rice at my face when i bought it for u knowing u're sick just because ting cried and said i dun lend her file?? cause i need to use it the next day for school and she's unreasonable. and u think that i am bullying her so u hit me, use ur leg and kick me till i nearly faint. place my head into the pail of water, until i nearly drown and had a phobia of deep waters?? and all y'all know is u're such great parents who brought us up, but w/o any proper teachings on as to how we should survive out there, what to do when situation comes, and so many other things. i tried being a gd daughter, but still u will never be satisfied. fine guardian right?? anyway 21 years old is also not very far away, just another few years more and i can break free from everyone's control.
FCUK MAN. -'-

I know what i am doing,

I know what's right and what's not,

I know how to handle my own problems,

even if i don't i can learn.

Cause when i grow up one day,

i will have to do it myself also,

so why not learn now?

I know what i want to do,

just stop telling me what to do.

Show a good example to us,

and not just saying us and telling us what to do when y'all urselves as parents ain't doing so.

Have y'all place urselves in my shoes??

Have you ever ever wonder why ur kids are becoming like that one by one??

Have you ever wonder why will we run away from home??

Have you ever really sat down and think of how to change urselves instead of us??

Have you ever been biased to ting??

Have you ever did ur FULL responsibility as a mother or father??

Have you ever really hear about what we really want, rather than what u want from us??

Have you ever know all that we're going throught??

Have you ever considered our feelings when you do certain stuffs??

So many more have you evers....

2010-01-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

sucky attitude from u. -'-
dyed my hair back to black totally, and trimmed my fringe a little.
my hair is bleached till my hair is damaged. now i used the chinese herbs to dye it black, look much more healthier, then i wanna dye other colors, not so bright, mayb brown. :D
took her foundation and eye shadow from him.
cold reaction from u, ain't the first time.
I'M HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS OF MY HAIR. HEALTHIER~~~ ^^

I dyed my hair black because if i dye other colors straight,
the color effect won't be equal, so i have to dye it black first to cover my bleach, and then color other color, moreover this is made of herbs... won't damge my hair. If i used box-type to dye, then dun say. It's really my fault cause i'm like i know it will damage my hair then i still dye. But herbs is made of natural ingredients.

It'snotthefirsttimeu'relikethat, outof3text,
igetonly1textinreturnwhichdoesn'tanswermytext.

2010-01-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

okays, first thing i got home... irritated by my sister. FCUK U.
then she paotoh me say i ytd go the roland seafood whatever & so on. -.-
buy lollipop for emily, kimberly and jun jie, & a prize for winning the maths monopoly that goes to emily. (:
gave her xiuting 1 lollipop she kaopeh. i swear i won't buy anything for u anymore.
u think u so dai sai right, go ahead. I am washing my hands off ur problems.
U don't want me to come back right? Fine, i won't. Irritating face right? u think i'm very happy to see u arh?
i give up. i'm giving up on u. u do whatever u like.

I realised that people around me are disappointing me,
the true joy i find,
is when i'm with little kids,
they are innocent and pure,
treat people with a genuine heart.
Boyf said something to me just before i go home,
should i be happy or sad?
On the way home i was thinking & thinking about it all over & over again.
Maybe i'm not that important after all??
Perhaps just mutual feelings towards me which have been kept till now.
I cried, once again.
It has been quite sometimes since i cried.
I have to tell myself,
think positive,
look at a brighter side,
see things with a better perspective,
be strong,
hold my tears,
ima big girl now,
don't let this get me down.
But what u said really hurt me.
But nvr mind.
It's oks.
I'm too sensitive maybe.
This year's countdown was totally a flop for me.
I wanted a twosome,
to spend this special day together with him,
but ended up with a threesome,
still acceptable,
but worst still,
ended up with a group.
Not happy at all.
Fireworks were pretty,
but my emotions doesn't fit into the atmosphere at all,
but at the end of the day,
i tell myself,
forget it.
I tell myself,
next year's countdown would be a better one for me.
Still... sighs.
I'm feeling my worst right now...
Bye readers.
I'm off to sleep.
Thinking so much won't do my brain any good.
So why think?!
Whatever they wanna do, i surrender.
Just please dun make my life miserable.
Wanna be selfish?
I show u how selfish am i.
TO YOU.
xiuting etc.
AHH..... too much things in my brain,
so much that i wanna just type everything out at one go,
now it doesn't seem to make any sense at all.
GAHH!

Cut that drama!

2009-12-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Why am i seeing all the negative things in you?
If u want trust from people,
prove urself.
Show that u're trustworthy.
I told myself to give u a chance from time to time,
but the outcome is still the same.
I'll not say anymore.
Sick & tired of sayin'
I tried to change u,
but i can't.
I tried my best.

And, PLEASE STOP WEARING MY CLOTHES. -.-

All these are MINE.

I already told u i hate it.

Especially clothes & undergarments,

be more hygeine for goodness sake.

I feel like going to the beach again all of a sudden.

I need to relax.

I need to break away from all these.

Waves gushing,

clouds above,

currents hitting,

heart beating,

ears listening,

eyes closed.

Sometimes i wish i can just erase off all my memories.

Keep the happy ones & throw the unhappy ones away.

I need to control my temper,

I find it pointless to lose it at someone that ain't my worth.

Look at urself,

what have u turned urself into?

What have u become?

So much for all that advice,

still u're not being appreciative.

Disappointed...

I need the past u to come back,

not the present u,

it just irks me.

U know what?

U are being loathsome this way.

CHERISH UR GFS.! ;D

2009-12-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

Title : The perfect girlfriend .

Yes, she exists. And NO, she’s NOT the supermodel type with the long legs and perfect skin. She’s even BETTER. She’s the type of girl that looks BORING, the one you’d overlook, she’d be your LAST choice.

At worst she’s insecure, clingy, shallow, jealous, nagging, sensitive, emotional, dramatic, and annoying. But if you can’t handle her at her worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve her at her best.

So, what is a PERFECT GIRLFRIEND?

They say there’s no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn’t exist. Oh trust me, SHE DOES.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time YOU take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping YOU interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and efforts were put to waste.

YOU CALL HER INSECURE. She holds on to YOU like she’s never letting go. This is her way of telling other girls that she’s lucky that she has YOU, and no, YOU’re not available.

YOU CALL HER CLINGY. She calls YOU the sweetest nicknames or ones that only YOU two will understand. This is her way of saying how special YOU are, and that there’s nobody else in this world like YOU. You call other girls “babe” just as how YOU would call her, and she gets disappointed.

YOU CALL HER SHALLOW AND JEALOUS. She checks up on YOU, making sure YOU made it home safely or that YOU’re not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about YOU and that she worries constantly because that’s how much she cares.

YOU CALL HER OVERLY SENSITIVE AND EMOTIONAL. She loves YOU more than YOU love her. This is her way of dealing with the FACT that your relationship wasn’t like how it used to be.

YOU CALL HER DRAMATIC AND ANNOYING. So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl. She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her: the PERFECT BOYFRIEND.

Haha, true much yeah ? Haha , so i guess . Being sensitive isn't that bad uh ? & maybe i should find the perfect boyfriend .

I wanna know what is the character of a perfect guy , which can really make any girls heart melts :)

Adapted from someone else blog, lols. very meaningful. GUYS, READ THIS MAN. :D

Again?!

2009-12-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

when i came home on saturday, my mum told me xiuting ran away from home again! just all because of not letting her out for x'mas celebration. -.- sounds ridiculous i know.
i went to find her, yet she gave me attidude, & i even had a relapse when she made me chase her around like a mad dog. -'-
i'm very dissapointed in her.
i had my first pay for being a tutor. oh yea, i'm a tutor now. giving tuition for primary school kids. they are a headache, but still innocent at heart. I love them alot. ;D
Boyf is very understanding. (: i'm sorry that i never spend much time with u lately, but u never angry. ^^ Thank u, love u. Mwarks! (:

This message is to xiuting:

Xiuting, or shall i say sister,
i'm utterly dissapointed in u.
Zhiming & many others told me u r already hopeless.
But still,
i try my best to help u,
encourage u, advice u.
Why?
Because, i always believe that no matter what,
u have a kind heart.
It's the family environment that we grow up in,
isn't as perfect as we wanted.
Life isn't perfect at all.
I still place that hope in you,
hoping that u'll change for the better.
When dad & mum try to scold u,
hit u, i'll protect u.
But when u're in the wrong, i'll scold u.
Why? because i care,
maybe sometimes u may find me a lil naggy.
But at least i want u to understand,
that even dad & mum don't care or u find that u can't share problems with them,
u can always come to me.
I'll always be here to hear ur problems,
share ur happiness & sorrow.
But u refuse to open up to me.
I know what u're doing outside.
I did not say out,
doesn't mean i don't know anything at all.
By saying out,
what will i get in return??
U getting angry,
blaming me for telling on you.
I know u smoke.
I don't know whether u drink or whether u played with drugs;
as in glue types,
but i really want u to know this,
nobody can help u, only u urself.
Why i give u homework?
I teach u for free,
but u dun cherish,
u treat me like an idiot.
I may look stupid,
i admit i'm not as clever as you,
but i can say at least i know what i should do,
& what i should not.
I been through all these when i was ur age,
self-control is the key.
But seeing u like this,
u tell me, what should i do.
You're not getting better but...
from bad to worst.
Do u want people to see u as a rotten apple,
then will u be satisfied?
Are u happy with all those so called arkaliaos,
so called brothers & sisters out there?
What u're getting now is only a moment of happiness,
it's not true happiness.
Think for urself,
seah xin yi's lighter??
Then how it ended up in ur bag??
I'm not a 3 yr-old.
I gave u back.
Even if i kept it,
u have ur own ways & means to get a new lighter,
& continue what u're doing.
I think it's time i should really let go,
no matter how hard i try to tie u up,
& hold on to u,
u'll break free eventually.
But i'm serious this time.
All i want to say is,
from now on,
u choose ur own way to walk,
when u need advice,
u can still talk to me.
I'll advice u,
but whether u wanna heed my advice or not,
it all depends on you.
But my heart really sank...
when u left me in the lurch,
when i had a heart relapse,
when i was chasing after u.
Even if i really die during then,
i bet u woundn't even care,
or were u on drugs,
& u don't even know what u're doing?
Sahira is a good friend,
she cares for u like how i care.
She is the one that is truly ur friend.
But, u treat her as rubbish.
U prefer those ah-lians ah-bengs friends.
I do have these kind of friends. YES~
But i know what i can follow,
& what i can't follow them to do.
I wasted 2 years of my life,
being with those friends,
i treat them as gems,
they treat me as junk,
only when they needed me,
then i'm a gem to them.
Xiuting, u're my real-blood sister.
That's why i'm so corncerned.
But if u think u've grown up,
u wanna live ur own life,
u don't want anyone to interefere,
then fine go ahead,
but u'll have to bear every consequences of ur own actions,
me, zhiming, 3rd floor auntie,
& many others have tried.
But if u wanna change over a new leaf one day,
we will still accept u.
I hope this will wake u up,
if u still refuse to,
then all the best to u.

With love,
xiumin jie.

Merry X'mas!!

2009-12-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

Monday; 21/12/09

meetup with jenny.
jenny also arranged to meet some friends along. unexpectedly, i knew them also. Kim yen & Fiona. Lols, had neoprints taken with them. It's been a long time since i had neoprint shoots.
I cut up the small photos up nicely. ;D
Jenny, thks for the meal, the gift and the card. ;D
So angry with xiuting, her attitude during studying was extremely bad & rude.

Tuesday; 22/12/09

suppose to meet jacob didi, but i was too lazy and sleepy and tired, teach xiuting till vry late the day before. ;c
went to bugis street, arab street & haji lane with boyf. :D he suggested to go there.
boyf bought me a leopard fur print dress. so happy! luv him to da max!! (: 25bucks, actual price, but we got it at 23bucks, the sales lady very kind. ^^
xiuting's attitude was way better as compared to the previous day. *claps*

Wednesday; 23/12/09

wrote letter & sent it to qiuju. ;D
gave boyf x'mas gift. ;D boyf also gave me one. ;D
discussed tuiton stuffs with Ember's mum. & her mum did manicure & pedicure for me. so ncie of her. FOC somemore. nicely done. ^^
will be teaching them next week. ;D

Thursday; 24/12/09

it's x'mas eve! ;D
went out to orchard with weijian and boyf.
sprayed by bangalah again!!! Last yr also liddat. Hate them uh. ):
wore the dress that boyf bought for me on tuesday. :D
after walking around orchard, we went to lower seletar, yishun dam.
watched bikers raced with their motorbikes. lols, ready, 1, 2, 3, GO!!! :D
in my whole entire life, it was the first time i saw a big gang of bikers and cars coming all together on the road. 50 plus bikers and 20 plus cars. all together, but they know each other de, so called angels & demons de people. lols.
watched free racing show, but all that noise frm the motors, makes my head spin. -.-
police came & warned them, lols. but after the officers left, they came back shortly after they left & continue racing again.
& i hate those chao ah lians. -.- the way they look at ppl, makes me feel like punching them up. -'-
weijian's friends came down from cineleisure to find us. chat with them and then we went off at around 5.30am next morning. They puffed together before going off.

Friday; 25/12/09

Merry X'mas to all!! (:
A new year is coming, 2010.

Time really flies, in a twitch of an eye... another year is drawing near. I hope next year will be a better year for me. I also hope i can go to a polytechnic. That's about it. Bye readers.

Causeway Point Foodcourt Shutdown??!!

2009-12-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Horizon Food Mall closes unexpectedly at Causeway Point.

SINGAPORE: Stall owners at Horizon Food Mall at Causeway Point shopping centre were shocked when they were informed on Saturday morning that the food court would be closed.
Hungry shoppers who were hoping to recharge at Causeway Point’s Horizon Food Mall turned up to find the shutters down. Even tenants of the food court were equally puzzled by the closure.
One of them, Steven Ong, said: "The boss suddenly called up in the morning to say that the food court will stop operations from today onwards. But all my things have already been prepared and workers have already started working.

"Today, I lost about S$1,500 to S$2,000. The food that’s wasted is about S$1,500."
This sudden turn of events happened just a day before the stall owners were due to receive one of their regular payments from the food court operator.

"We get our paychecks on the 20th and the 5th every month. He takes all our daily sales and pays us half on the 5th and another half on the 20th. After deducting the rent, cleaning or other miscellaneous (fees), we get the remainder back," said Mr Ong.

Stall owners said they tried contacting the food court operator but their attempts were unsuccessful. The food court manager told them he was unable to clarify the situation, and said he was just told to cease operations.

A spokesperson from Causeway Point said the closure is due to some unresolved issues between the food court operator and its cleaning service provider.

He added that the mall management has given Horizon Food Mall contact details of alternative cleaning contractors.

teaching xiuting sist. very fed-up. she copied answers. & she did her work atrociously. i scold her angry & cry for dono what fcuk. -.- want to move on to new chapter also can't. no wonder dad always get so frsutrated when he teach her. i go lenient on her, she take advantage, i force her to get the notes into her head. ;P otherwise how will she ever learn man. -.- duh~ black face by all means la, it's for ur own good, if u ain't my sist, i will not even give a damn about it yo'. -.-"
causeway point foodcourt close-down, unexpected. ;x
i wanna go celebrate xiaojess's birthdae! shucks~ ):
3 more days to x'mas. (:
Happy birthday to XiaoJess! :D

2009-12-19T21:01:00.000-08:00

went to expo hall 8 for service with N410 ytd. :D
today's service was candle-light service. an open service for all.
when the hall lights are off, candles from everywhere was lighted up slowly, it was like little stars shining everywhere. the sight was so magnificent. ;D
saw zeslyn & rest too. but i didnt went over to say hi. & that nicholas was also there. omg, phobia.
okays, can anyone spot me in the above pic? okays, here's a big big clue for y'all: the one with the brightest hair color, saw it? That's me! (:
went holland village with them for dinner. had wanton noodles, famous one oks. only for 3 bucks. cheap & yummy. it's definitely worth it. :P
By2's mummie joined us for service too, guess what, she was super generous. (: not only she gave us By2's poster & calender (2 in 1), she also bought a log cake for us, i ate a few mouths only, cause i can't eat much laaa. FATTENING!! Then the rest i gave costllan ah gong eat luh.. ): boohoo... no laa, kiddin' ;D
and the char kway tiao that daryl & alvin ate was super yummy, stole a mouthfuls from them using another set of chopstick. LOLs. & carrot cake; from sylvia. ^^
I am really very happy today.
On x'mas i can't go laa... have to accompany boyf for x'mas. ^^
Yays! My x'mas dress was mailed to boyf hse alrdy. Recieved, lols, they even gave a free gift------- it's....... taadaa! P.S.: a g-string. LOLs..... OMG. LMAOS.
Thanks boyf for the dress once again. ^^ But the quality not vry good leh, heartpain.. so ex somemore. Nvm, lesson learnt, not to buy from that shop again. ;x muahahhas, evil me. ;x
i think it's been a long time since i've taken photos with boyf, nvm, x'mas night shall pester him to camwhore with me. Heehees. ;D
Have been watching taiwan idol dramas recently, momo love & hi my sweetheart. I'm waiting for upcoming episodes which is going to be updated in 16hours time... GOSH.. damn long. lols. ;x oh wells, good shows are worth the wait. ^x^
recently i suddenly like leopard prints.. omg, must have got it from my mum. -.-
oh yea, from now onwards, my post will be like super random, like i just blog about events that happen in my daily life. :D unless for special events like monthsaries etc. events that are important to me & significant in my life. (:
4 more days to x'mas. wOoTs~
I LOVE PINK PANTHER, DALANG~ DALANG~ DALANG, DALANG, DALANG~ lols.

2009-12-18T04:37:00.000-08:00

went over to boyf's hse on wed. he gave me a surprise. (: lols, so sweet of him. ^^
boyf bought me a white bubble dress for x'mas night. luv him to da max. ;D although white's not my color, but i still appreciate his gift for me. (:
happy for jacob didi, he scored 16 marks for his N lvls. :D
will b goin home tonight. ;D
counting down for x'mas. 6 more days left to 25th of dec; x'mas. ^x^
will b joining sylvia & rest for tmr's candle-light service at expo tmr.
might b meeting jenny in the morning. (:
have a new schedule book to arrange my time and make arrangements for daily activities. (: i wanna be more organised.
sunday will be stayin home for the whole day. gotta tutor my sist.

HAPPY MONTHSARY!

2009-12-15T08:38:00.000-08:00

Hapi 1yr 6mths~

LaOqOnq, i knw that i always make u angry...

But, u never give up on me.

I knw u love me as much as i do,

but i really hope we can fight lesser.

I knw that u do everything for my own good...

I also knw that u dote on me very much,

but when we argue,

i get very upset.

Why can't we talk things over in a nice atmosphere?

Why can't we try to really understand each others heart?

I mean we do understand, but understanding & really hearing our hearts is two different matters.

But we've walked through hand in hand for 504 days.

I'm very happy to have you by my side.

You're not the best of the best,

you're not the most perfect one,

you're not the most good-looking guy,

but laOqOnq..

i really wanna say this to you:

i love you for the way you are.

Thank you for all the things that you've done for me. :D

You're the greatest gift i've ever had,

& your love is essential for my daily life.

And in everyday and every part of my life,

i hope u'll be by my side. (:

& once again, i love you. ;D

Facebook Accounts Hacked!

2009-12-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Hey readers, i'm blogging this post to warn all of u for the '419 scam'.
Read This Post, Important. Especially those who are active in Facebook.
This is adapted from yahoo news. (:

SINGAPORE: Right before her eyes, Julie Chiang watched the computer screen as someone used her Facebook account — pretending to be her, asking her friend for money and claiming she had been mugged in London.

"It was surreal to watch the conversation happen right in front of me," said Ms Chiang, who had been woken up in Singapore by her friend’s phone call on Friday morning.

"He told me he was on Facebook now, talking to ’me’, and I was saying I needed money to go home."

The hacker even used Ms Chiang’s husband’s name, which could be found on her Facebook profile, in the conversation.

Even as the unfolding scam began to dawn on her, a second friend living in New Zealand messaged her to say she was having the same conversation.
Reports of such incidents — known as a 419 scam — though few, are on the rise among Facebook users.

Fraudulent individuals collect log—in information through phishing sites and access Facebook accounts to send inbox or chat messages or to update the person’s profile. And they claim to be stranded in a foreign country and ask friends to send money, usually through a money transfer service.

"While the total number of people who have been impacted is small, we take any threat to security seriously and are redoubling our efforts to combat the scam," said Facebook in a blog post in September.

The scam had previously been perpetrated through emails.

But more cyber criminals are leveraging on social engineering as a means of deceiving users, said systems engineering manager Ronnie Ng from Symantec Singapore.

"Social engineering takes advantage of our natural tendency to trust one another, rather than relying solely on technological means to steal information," he said.

Indeed, Ms Leong Su—Lin, who was chatting with "Julie" yesterday morning, said the scam seemed believable because it was a "live" conversation.

"Someone was actually responding to the questions I was asking; it wasn’t an automated thing, which is why I went along with it," Ms Leong, 32, told MediaCorp from New Zealand.
"They were also hitting on a ’soft spot’ by saying she was hurt. I was very concerned, so although she sounded a bit strange, I thought maybe it’s because she was still traumatised."
But something felt amiss. "I thought it was strange she was on Facebook and not at the police station or at an embassy," she said.

Mr Ng said people need to be more aware of where they post personal information and who they allow on their social networks. In addition, online users should be careful of clicking on links from unknown senders and use up—to—date security software, he advised.
"They should also be on their guard if they receive suspicious messages from friends, such as requests for money," he said. "Users should always double—check with their friend. When in doubt, do a search on the Internet to see if it’s a known scam."

Thankfully for Ms Chiang’s friends, they did just that, and she has since reported the incident to Facebook. "I’ve not heard of this happening, so it’ll be good for more people to know about it," she said.

Here is the conversation tracked:
The online conversation

(5:17:46 PM) Julie Chiang: Terence and I are stuck in London at the moment

(5:17:55 PM) Derrick Lim: are u there for a holiday?

(5:18:16 PM) Julie Chiang: Vacation

(5:18:27 PM) Julie Chiang: Got mugged at gun point last night ...

(5:19:00 PM) Julie Chiang: All cash,credit card and cell were stolen off me
(5:19:11 PM) Julie Chiang: I also got injured

(5:19:19 PM) Derrick Lim: oh no ....

(5:19:45 PM) Derrick Lim: what injury?

(5:20:01 PM) Julie Chiang: Little bruises all over my neck

(5:21:45 PM) Julie Chiang: I need your help to get back home?

(5:21:57 PM) Derrick Lim: my help? ....

(5:22:38 PM) Julie Chiang: Our flight leaves in less than 3hrs from now and we’re having problem settling hotel bills

(5:23:02 PM) Julie Chiang: I need you to loan me few bucks to settle the bills and get a cab to he Airport

(5:23:59 PM) Derrick Lim: ok

(5:24:42 PM) Julie Chiang: You can have it wired to my name and Location through western union ....

(5:27:27 PM) Derrick Lim: can u email me the details?

(5:27:45 PM) Julie Chiang: sure

(5:27:52 PM) Julie Chiang: Name Julie Chiang

(5:28:19 PM) Julie Chiang: Location — London, United Kingdom

(5:28:28 PM) Julie Chiang: You can try it online right now

(5:30:18 PM) Julie Chiang: Visit www.westernunion.com

(5:30:58 PM) Derrick Lim: ok

(5:31:18 PM) Julie Chiang: You will have to do it with your credit card

(5:31:22 PM) Derrick Lim: yes

*So people, be more careful. :D

2009-12-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

I'm back to blogging. (:

Finally ___ complained.

Still looking for a job. ;x i want jobs that are near my house area. can save up for transport.

did not join N410 ytd, due to some reasons.

saw N410 at sembawang ytd night.

thks weijian for all the blogshop links, but i ain't buyin' alrdy. Not really my type. ;D only a few is nice. the rest... not very me.

mayb later have to accompany sylvia to meet aaron, she scared. lols. long story.

later have to teach xiuting sist. study. shag. gonna force all my brain juices out again. -.-

hopes sylvia uploads the album on MJ's Live Wire Unplugged event asap. ;D

I had fun at MJ's Live Wire Unplugged event, even though i was sick on the way home. ;x

Thanks sylvia for waiting with me at the KFC for my boyf.

My kitten scratched my lips sial. Still got the line marks. I hope it heals soon. :D

Pictures of my kitten, going to be a grown-up cat soon:

2009-12-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

din't went hm ytd. will be gg hm tmr.
went out with boyf & his cousin, weijian ytd. rched woodlands at 5am in the morning. lols.
i can't wait for thurday's outing.
Hapi b'dae to sylvia. (:
wonders if xiuting did her assignments as told. ;x
misunderstanding cleared i guess. (:
i am looking forward to x'mas. ;D

What a day!

2009-12-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

i had a haircut; ( fringe: bangs. & new hairstyle )
went to join N41O for church on sat. had great fun with them.
am currently looking for a job still.
& i can't wait for my results to be out.
askin' me to place my stuffs at the rubbish bin, thn did i realised i'm even worthless thn rubbish. -.-
had a misunderstandin' with 'em.
my fault again, b'cause i "heard" the "wrong" instructions.
i get ppl's meaning "wrong"?
can't wait for thursday to arrive, they say it's an event called live wire. Lols. (:
will b goin to boyf's house later.
prepaid low alrdy. -.-
gonna acc my sist. to buy lunch & look for a blazer, & head to boyf hse.
dun really feel like facin' them.
after all, it's not a place tht i can call home.
i dun call the shots neither. have to see other ppl's faces.
i guess many times in life, we usually have to succumb to other people's temperament.
thks rayner for his 60cents. lmaos.
will only b goin hm on wed.
edited my blogskin, credits to: xiuting sist.

2009-12-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

Hey people, recently i've been spending my time with boyf mostly.
Well, it's been quite some time since i shopped for dresses.
Boyf bought me 2 dresses. Thks. :D
My hp is spoilt, again. Fcukx manx. -.-''
Must buy new one alrdy.
But, i'm currently using back old phone, no mp3, no megapix camera that kind. Lols.
So yea, unable to have pics up here.
Bear with me. D:
After all these while, i've thought about alot of things.
I realised something in life, there is no forever friend.
No matter how close or how good u are with that person,
he/she will betray u someday.
True friends are hard to find nowadays.
If ur friend is genuine to you, be genuine to them also.
Most importantly, cherish them. (:
Friends can fall out with u even at the slightest matter.
Years of friendships can also end up in falling out over a blog, or even guys, & etc.
Sometimes, i feel that... nothing is ever built to last.
The quote in xiuting's sist. blog. :D
Friends forget you day by day, when they need u... they'll appear.
When u need them, they shun u.
Can anyone tell me, what are friends?
Are they hyprocrites living around u??
Oh well, life goes on with or w/o friends.
Won't die w/o havin' one. ;D
Tmr i'll be stayin' hm all day.
Gonna miss boyf real lots.
I LOVE MR. POH.
The most important people in my life.
2nd is xiuting sist. ;D
The rest, not important to me alrdy.
Wanna be my friend, b a true one, if not.. just scram.

2009-11-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hello people, recently i'm on a diet. ;x
OMG, i have to resist temptations from all my favourite foods. ;x
But... after i slim down, bf promised me a KFC meal. Hohoh. ;D
Anyone wanna go jogging with me??
I & Boyf have been together for 1yr 5mths. ;D
Love Him Loads~
I knw i kinda neglected Him last mth due to o lvls...
But i still love Him as much. :D

Here's a MV i wanna share:

Enjoy the song.
Rmb to turn off my music player 1st. ;D

2009-11-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

Hola! ;D
O levels are finally over!! PHEWS!
*sweats*
I am currently waiting for my results now.
Then, i gotta start looking for a job eh. ;x
Hmphs, went sembawang shopping centre today.
I & boyf lost our ways. ):
While finding our way around...
i saw a black cat.
One of its front legs is broken. ( handicapped )
It meowed at me, came forward to me, limping.
My heart went all out to it...
Flies were flying around its other wounds.
The wounds inflicted on it revealed some meat color, & the bone can be seen.
I wanted to buy some food for it, but there wasn't any shops nearby.
In the end, i had to leave heavy-heartedly.
Such a poor little thing. D:
But anyway, i was suppose to get something from the shop DAISO at sembawang shopping centre.
But in the end, upon hearing that everything cost only $2 in the shop...
Boyf ended up shopping around also.
LOLs, so cute.
He's busier looking around for stuffs than me. Hahah. (:
And we bought lotsa stuffs. ;D
Today's a tiring day, but happy day for me too.
Able to go out with boyf, & shopping happily together. (:
Sorry people for leaving my blog so dead.
Now that i'm free,
I'll update regularly.

& another thing is that...
i'll be moving.
To another house, due to financial situations.
Currently, i'm just starting to pack some stuffs..
Preparing to move over to our new house... which ain't bought, but rent.
So yea...
Last but not least, my only hope now is that i'm able to get some grades for my o level.
I wanna go nursing course at NYP. ;D
So people, wish me luck yea.
Goodnights! :D

2009-10-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

Kakak Indah & Brother-In-Law

Kakak Indah & Jeremiah(her son)

Back row: Kakak Ningrum, Uncle Endang & Auntie Sri

Front row: Firman

auntie sri & uncle endang

kakak ningrum

these are pictures of my family in indonesia...
i really miss 'em alot. ):
My elder sister, kakak indah... (:
I miss those days that i spent in indonesia...
I miss yuyun, ica, anni, dita, ngnang, eca, endah, wahyu, imus, dayat, putri etc..
I hope they are doing fine...
Those days were the happiest days in my whole life,
simple but truly happy.. (:
No troubles, no stress...
Even just flying kite together,
makes us feel extremely happy...
That kind of simpicity & innocence we have...
& happiness...
can't be found again...

2009-10-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Money, monster baby... i miss u all so much... ):

Money, i hope ur new owner treats u well...

U'll always be kept in my heart..

& mOnster baby, rest in peace also. D;

U'll always be a part of my best memory.

Lately, family problems going on.

Will have to move to somewhere else already.

I really hate this kind of life,

unstable life...

bleak future...

it makes me feel unsafe...

Relationship wise is also making me fear...

I'm really afraid...

I did not expect things to turn out this way...

Everyday,

i can only fake a smile...

at least everyone will think that i'm happy still...

i don't want to affect people around me by my mood...

even if i'm unhappy,

i want those whom i love to be happy.

but nobody understands me...

even relationship is so unstable...

is this the last time?

Will everything end?

Do u know that i'm so afraid?

You don't...

But i understand...

It's all my fault,

my mistakes etc...

Too tired to repeat...

I just know that i really really love u alot alot...

i really don't know how to move on w/o u...

but i guess that day would have to come somehow...

who knows this retard me would do something fcuking wrong again??

Something major.

Common knowledge, i hardly have it like normal humans does.

HIT AT THE BRAIN FOR SO MANY YEARS BY MY MUM,

DO I HAVE TO BLAME HER THEN,

FOR MAKING MY BRAIN THIS RETARD?!

I hate my parents alot...

Thanks to them,

i'm in this state today...

Did not teach me how to lead a life,

did not teach me proper living values...

everyday all i get is scoldings, beatings...

i finally get out of autismn,

now i think i'm sliding in back again...

when a kid doesn't know anything...

everything seems to be fine...

that way i feel protected & secure...

i am in no mood for my o lvls now too...

relationship & family prob is taking a toll on me...

u'll nvr understand, cux u ain't me...

who doesnt want to change?

if i could i would,

i tried...

but to u, i still showed nth...

nth equals to nvr...

so what equals to yes?

i'm tired...

2009-09-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

Alrights, hello people.
Recently i've been too busy to blog.
Sorry yea. Anyway, will only be back to posting after my o-lvls.
I will be muggin' for it.
Omg, all the words just can't get into my head. Gosh! ):
But i'll try my very best.
And here's what i have for y'all.
I guess some of you have heard of a singer called Sun Ho?
She's also a pastor of city harvest church, & wife of pastor Kong, another pastor of that church.
She has had albums before.
But this time she is releasing an official US Debut album with a totally whole new her.
What i am sharing here on blog is a mtv of her past song, & one of her new album's song.

Ps. rmb to turn off my music player before listening to it. Enjoy people. promise i'll be back as soon as i finish my o lvls. Do tag me please. will reply once in a while when i pop over to check ur tags. (:

2009-09-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hello Kitty Limited Edition; W395
Omg, this is the phone i want!!! D:
Lols... nice right?
But... i no money. D;
ARGHH...
Oks, oh well...
I find that i'm really unsocial recently...
Mayb because i'm sick of all humans, although i'm one myself.
What are humans?
Say about other people, & tell others how great urself is.
Attacking at other people weak points in order to strengthen urs.
Unforgiving, bear grudges to people but when others do unto u,
u beg others for forgiveness.
Oh my oh my, just look at how humans are...
I admit everyone do sin,
those who knew that's it's wrong to do so,
still went ahead & do it,
it's the most ridiculous thing ever. -.-
Oks, enough of my complaints..
Well, i know i should be satisfied with what i have now,
but... i have the freedom to choose what kind of life i want too, dont i?
Oh well, i'm sick..
But better than last night.

Too engrossed on a conver, even failed to notice __ existence.

Last but not leaast, here's a recent pic of me. :D

"no matter how much i do, nobody would seem to appreciate me, nobody wouls seem to be satisfied with me, the more i yearn for attention, the more dissapointment i get; like a child wanting his or her own daddy or mummy to listen to what they really want in his or her heart. Can someone hear my heart?? Really just listen to what i want? I didnt have the mood to focus for my fcuking o lvls too, moreover, exams are coming, i want peace! Not quarrels & arguments daily please. -.-"

2009-09-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hello all.
Went to cityhall to meet up with zaslyn with xiuting sist ytd.
To our surprise, yu qing was there too.
Zaslyn bought a nice fabric cover notebook each for me & xiuting.
*Thks alot*
And i'm still considering if i should come back to God's presence.
But if I do, what will the result be?
Like how it says,
there are oppositions around me.
Great force stopping me from being a christian.
I can sense it very much.
Though they don't really put it in words,
but i sense the great critisism they have for christianity.
Will i lose my loved ones if i let God enter my life.
I felt so suppressed ytd,
between my feelings.
I'm so fearful of facing them now...
And even facing church people also...
Argh...
I think i better focus on my studies for the time being.
With my studyings...
& also, my concentration...
Whichever God helped me through,
I will then stick to whichever God.
I will try both going to the temple to pray for exams to pass,
& also pray to God to help me...
Both with the same trust, faith, & believe.
Whichever God answers, that will be the religion that i'm going with.
It's not about testing Gods...
But it's about how i know which is the real God who really really exist...
Drank yakult earlier on. :D
It's been a long time since i drank that.
The last time i drank that was aelvin's treat. ;D
Went to see the chinese 7th month getai ytd night.
But i reached there way late,
& when i reached there i only managed to catch the end performance. D:
But not to bad, i saw 李佩芬 + 钟耀南(also known as 阿南哥)...
Lols... as for 李佩芬 she appeared on 881 getai musical production as Karen. :D
That's all. (:

2009-09-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hello people.
Omg, o levels are like nearing.
I've not completed all my preparation work.
I gotta chiong my revision starting from next week.
I won't be free until the end of november.
Another thing is, boyf got his drving license alrdy.
Yay! So happy.
Cause everyday can send me go home liao. :D
Recently, went to city harvest church through quite some persuasion from Edward.
Well,
though i'm from a christian family, but i don't really believe in christianity.
Each time i try to trust god, but in return i got dissapointment & hurt.
I hate God, i don't feel that he exist at all.
But whenever i step into city harvest, i felt quite at peace..
So away from the world.
But i don't really believe still.
Everytime i hear people share their testimony,
about how great is God,
about how God has helped them,
about what God did to change their lives...
But for me??
I've got no testimony to share at all.
God don't do all these in my life.
I pray & hope...
The more i do,
the more dissapointment i get...
So...
I've been rather confused about my religion status now.
Sighs...

2009-08-27T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hello all. (:
Pardon me for not posting regularly alrights.
Boyf lappy broke down,
this is another lappy of his,
but it's way laggy.
So, hard for me to post at times.
But today, i have a chinese song to share. :D
Nice song really,
so enjoy yea. :)

2009-08-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

I thought i will be free from the past memories and piobia & i will be his best girlf he ever want...
I thought he's that someone who will appear to bring me out of darkness...
During these days, trying to be his best girlf the one i wanna last with...

I kept these feelings inside me...
___ know that i love ___ , cant ___ see my eyes?
There's only one, the real show.
The path i been running is love love love love;
But on that path, it all trap trap trap trap;
The unescapable traps give my heart fear fear fear fear;
as if it's a swamp, swallowing my courage little by little i'm becoming smaller.
The bright facial expression on the disappearing face.
I'm afraid that ___'ll turn ___ back & ignore me,
not even bothering to take another glance at me...

I may not as pretty as others,
I might not as perfect as others,
I might not be sexy and hot as others
But what they lack, is what i have that is impossible to find...

Sometimes thing are better left unspoken,
to prevent disappointment and hurt..

I tried my very best and i fail so much..

Deeper into the pit whereby it's hard to get up on my feet again...

~~I'm imperfect, but who's perfect?~~

To ___ , it's just my excuse.

My mistakes, i took the blame.

My flaws, i took the blame.

My faults, i took the blame.

Iknow__stillloveme;

but__'llneverunderstandhowi'mfeelingdeepinsideme..

since__don'tlikethefeelingofbeingtieddown,

fromnowon...maybeishouldnotasktoomuch..

orevenstopaskinganymore..

willthissatisfy__?

Rightnow,

myonlyfocusistostudywellforolevels,

therestiamnotintherightmoodforit,

idon'twantanythingtoaffectmyconcentration.

2009-08-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

I found this from a blog.
I felt that it's quite interesting.
So i decided to share. (:

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
When in doubt, just take the next small step.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
Pay off your credit cards every month.
You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special..
Over prepare, then go with the flow.
Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
The most important sex organ is the brain.
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
Always choose life.
Forgive everyone everything.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Believe in miracles.
God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
Your children get only one childhood.
All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
The best is yet to come.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
Yield.
Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift

2009-08-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Oks, was asked to do this quiz by peikuan.
So... yea.
Been quite sometime since i did some quiz anyway, so i decided to do this.
Here it goes~

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own post, enter yours, & tag twenty people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
They have to be real... nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any words twice, & you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. what is your name?
Xiu Min

2.A four letter word.
Damn!

3.Boy's name.
Mr. Poh.

4.Girl's name.
Omg, i ain't lesbo. -.-

5.An occupation.
Nurse.

6.A color.
Pink's the best for me.

7.Something you'll wear.
Can i have a corset please? Full set. ;D

8.A food.
Sushi is yummy for my tummy. (:

9.Something found in the bathroom.
Hmm... Bubbles!! o.O

10.A place.
I wanna go hong kong pls? Go there shopping. ( only if i have $$ )

11.A reason for being late.
I'm hardly late unless something crops up last minute due to some personal matters.

12.Something you'd shout.
Give me a break!

13.Movie title.
Where got ghost? I wanna watch.

14.Something you drink.
HL Milk. ;P

15.A musical group.
Eww, not my type. So, none.

16.An animal.
Hoppy, my kitten.

17.The street name.
Erhs, how i know... i've been to damn loads of streets, which one are u referin' to?

18.A type of car.
Ferrari.

19.The title of song.
What song sial?? -.- English version of nobody but you? (: I want (nobody)x2 but you.

I tagged: zero people. -.-

2009-08-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hellooo! (:

I know i've not been updating, kinda lazy uhh.

Pardon me for that. ;x

The above picture of mine is a super unglam one. Lols.

Ugly right? -.-

On National Day,

I had lots of fun.

I went out with xiuting sist, boyf & edward.

Edward was our driver for that one whole day, hahah... (i feel so honoured~)

We went raffles place bridge there & watch the fireworks session from there.

The fireworks are super pretty! ;D

Some are of the shape of stars & hearts, while others are like falling stars. :]

Actually we intended to go marina barrage...

but that area was restricted! Dang! -.-

So we ended up at raffles instead.

But the fireworks were still visible,

it feels like we were so close to the fireworks as if you can reach out to them.

Then after that we had take aways for our dinner & we went picnic & yishun damn.

Nice place.

After eating, we played some games with poker cards. ;D

Xiuting & I managed to trash those guys a few rounds. Phews!

Then on our way back to woodlands,

we were stopped by traffice police... -.-

Then here's a part which i find it super hilarious.

Stupid questions that the traffic police asked us.

Traffic police: why you all stay woodlands cannot eat at woodlands?

yumiko'- may i ask, is there any rule in singapore that says people who stay woodlands can only eat at woodlands area. beyond woodlands area will get fined??? -.-

Traffic police: *take down xiuting's name & my name*

he wrote down yap siew ting; yap siew min.

Then he asked, both of you sisters? real sisters? -.-

yumiko'- like duh~ names like damn similar loh. same surname somemore. -.-

Traffic police: *take down my address*

then he asked, your sister & you living together??

yumiko'- like what the hell, where else can she stay if not with me??? already told him we're sisters. -.-

Then after asking until he satisfied with all his stupid questions, we went back to woodlands.

Boyf went to do something awhile then after that edward drove us home safely. ;D

Hmphs, reach home near 3am. Got scolded of course, but i heck care. I don't give a damn. (:

That's all for national day. ;D Sorry no pictures taken. It was way too crowded.

Ytd went bugis street & iluma with boyf & xiuting sist.

Lols... had quite some fun.

I saw an interesting voucher type of thing for lovers, so cute. ;D

The shop name is ameba if i rmb correctly at iluma. Lols. (:

That's all for the recent updates.

Will try to update more often.

No promises thou.

Bye people. :D

2009-08-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hello earthlings. (:
I would like to share this picture with y'all.
It's a comic. Chinese comic. ;D
I found it & i thought it was rather funny.
So i decided to share with y'all. :D
Some of you might think it's lame though. ;x
Oh well,
here's another video i wanna share.
Ever heard the song silly boy?
Said to be sung by rihanna & lady gaga??
It's totally wrong.
It's not sung by them.
It's sung by eva simons.
She's a dutch pop singer who has this song sung in her dubut album silly boy.
Here's the video i manage to search for.
I had it embeded here just for all of you to enjoy & clear the misunderstnading of this song being sung by rihanna & ladygaga. (:

*the embeded video will lead u to it's website it self. ;D
So if u have pop up blocker, turn it off temporarily. (:

2009-08-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

Hello people, i went out with jacob & xiuting sist. ytd. (:
It's been quite sometime since i last saw jacob.
He still never change, except for height & looks.
Had a whole lot of fun ytd. [:
After meeting jacob didi,
went to meet up with aelvin.
He changed alot.
But, for the better of course. :D
But his gf, damn unfriendly.
Like as if the whole world owe her a million.
Oh well, nvm.
Aelvin gave me present. ;D
Thks aelvin. lols. (:
Then after that he sent his gf home.
I went to find bf.
We went balestier together.
First time go there with him.
Soo happy. ;D
Then took cab back to woodlands.
Then went home.
My monster hamster is dead. ):
Going to bury it. D;
Alrights people, that's all.
Shall update more in the next post. ;D

2009-07-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hello people.
I'm finally back with posting.
Blogger has problems still.
I can't upload pictures still. GAHHs!
So damn furious with blogger. -'-
Anyways...
What to do?

On the 29th was my 1 year & 1 month anniversary with boyf. (:
ILOVEYOU ♥
& thanks for the small-sized candy-like bolster. :D
I wanna grow old with you,
I wanna be with you till the very last moment of time.

Alrights people,
sorry for not posting & super late reply of tags. ;D
I hope blogger can be alright soon.
I've got lots of stuff to share. ;D
Stay tuned, keep coming back for more updates. [:

2009-07-21T03:21:00.001-07:00

Okays, here i am blogging.
Blogger has problems.
I can't upload pictures. D:
Does anyone have any problems like this with blogger?

Firstly,
I would like to thank everyone who wished me happy b'dae.
Those who wished me in:
plurk, friendster, tagboard, smses etc.
But i really wanna thank my boyf.
He really made my day.
OMG,
He bought me a Red heels that's really hot.
I love the heels alot.
He bought me clothes too.
& a B'DAE CAKE.
Chocolate truffle flavored cake. :D
*yummies*
He also buy me KFC.
It's been ages since i last ate KFC.
OMG.
Really happy ytd.
But the only sad thing is that no red packets from my parents.
They did not even wish me happy b'dae. D:

Shall post till here then.
Will upload pictures once blogger is back to function.

Oh! What a day!

2009-07-12T02:51:00.000-07:00

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say.
I am afraid you don't want me to say anything.
So I don't.
When I stay silent,
I got yelled at.
But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.
And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you.
And how I love you despite my broken heart.
And how I need you in my life.
And especially how much I want you.
But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.
Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.

Why can't we just start over again,
get it back to the way it was.
If you give me a chance,
I can love you right.
But you're telling me it won't be enough...

Reflect yo' !

2009-07-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, reflect on the things you've done.

Look at what mess you've just created;

by yourself, with your own hands.

You'll probably realise that,

you're the cause of your own unhappiness;

the cause of all hatred.

Fcuk off, you Bitches & Liars.

you suck, jerk.

go to hell.

you'll pay for this.

don't pretend to be nice.

I can't be tied.

& I don't wanna be tied down by anything.

Y'all need to let me breathe my air.

Y'all need to stop keeping me, stop it.

I am not living in rehab.

Dont make me feel this way.

Tell me how to breathe when there's no air.

Please, okay ?---

Dont suffocate me, I'll die.

Gimme a break will y'all.

I'm a Big Girl now.

Parents yea.

But y'all won't expect me to stick with y'all for life,

do y'all?

So stop everything.

you're like an addiction;

when i can't stop.

Caught in th empty street,
th empty lens.
You brought it in,
red hot;
Lips like berries,Hands like sun.
You had me.

2009-07-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

are we twinnies??

I played pet society & restaurant city at facebook earlier on. (:
My pet & jiayu's pet on pet society looks like twins.
Lols.
Chat with boyf for very long. (:
I deleted all my friendster comments except for my boyf's.
However, friendster comments can still be accepted & replied.

However after replying,

comment would be deleted. (:

Had a happy day today. :D

My plurk karma went up also. ;x

Hahah. ^^

View this video clip.
Moral of the lesson is:
Let's Fight H1N1 Together!! ;D
Nights earthings. (:

2009-07-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

Lyrics:

Lolli lolli Oh Lollipop
Lolli lolli oh lolli lolli

Nah, thats not how we do it

Lolli lolli lollipop Oh neon naui lollipop
Lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop
Lolli lolli lollipop Boy neon naui lollipop
Lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop

Makdae satang boda deo dalgomhan nae
maeumeun teojildeuthan dynamite
nan ggalggeumhan namja T.O.P
nae sarang Bling Bling like L E D

Geudae ddak nae seutarya
panjjak panjjak seutaya
saekdareungeol wonhae?
Let me show you if thats okay

Now come on
saekggareun rainbow
nal neuggin sungan neon bbajyeo beoringeol ara
You just cant control

nal saro jabeun geol
neowa namani aneun uri duri secret light

Lolli lolli lollipop dalgomhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop naege soksakyeojwo
Lolli lolli lollipop sanggeumhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop jigeum wonhajanha

Lolli lolli lollipop Girl neon naui lollipop
Lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop

nal seollege haneun neoui body neoui move
imi ne shiseoneul gadwobeorin naui groove
shiksanghamdeuleun maeil nal jichigehae
Lets just keep you and I F.R.E.S.H

Lets go now
saekggareun rainbow
nal neuggin sungan neon bbajyeo beoringeol ara
You just cant control

nal saro jabeun geol
neowa namani aneun uri duri secret light

Lolli lolli lollipop dalgomhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop naege soksakyeojwo
Lolli lolli lollipop sanggeumhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop jigeum wonhajanha

Lolli lolli lollipop Boy neon naui lollipop
Lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop

han sunganui neuggimi anya jigeum du nuneul gamadok neon nae apeseo itneungeol
naega baradeon geuge neoya geunyang idaero neowa na jeo bulbidarae

Lolli lolli lollipop dalgomhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop naege soksakyeojwo
Lolli lolli lollipop sanggeumhage dagawa
Lolli lolli lollipop jigeum wonhajanha

Lolli lolli lollipop Oh neon naui lollipop
lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop
Lolli lolli lollipop Oh neon naui lollipop
lolli lolli lollipop oh lolli pop pop

Hey people, listen to this song.
It's Lollipop sung by Big Bang.
It's a Korean song,
but i really like it alot.
I think most of you will like it too. (:
Enjoy the song. (:
By the way, sorry for not posting recently. (:
Kinda busy & frustrated.

*Rmb to turn off my music player 1st before playing the youtube video clip. :D

2009-07-01T00:16:00.000-07:00

OMG.
(:
I'm so happy!!
Boyf bought me the BIG PIGLET that i had always wanted to have. :D
So sweet of him. ^^
Jasper send me a msg at friendster today.
I was surprised.
He seeked my forgiveness & that he was sorry.
What's past is past.
I do not hate him.
But i've forgiven him even way before he ask for forgiveness. (:
Lately,
i'm so over korean songs; dramas & etc. (:
I wish i can fly over to korea one day. (:
Alrights, that's all for today's update.
Quite a short post huh?
Sweet & short!! :D

I made my own blogskin. (:

2009-06-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Taadaa!! I made my own blogskin.
oOolala. :D
It's my first attempt.
& it turned out to be quite a success. ^^
People, i've lost all your links.
Sad to say, but my cbox is up already!! :D
So tag me with ur links please.
Sorry for all the trouble. (:
Thanks alot.
(:
Will promise to update regularly.
So keep visitng for more updates. :D
Last but not least,
click my nuffnang ads for me pretty please? ^^

Gaga over korean dramas & songs!! :D

2009-06-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

Have been watching Boys Over Flowers OST; korean drama recently.
Kimbum is oh so cute.
Whereas ji hoo is so charming, just like a white knight or even prince charming of all girls. (:
I go gaga over them now. :D
I'm lovin' it. ^^
People who have nt watch, should really watch.
I have here a link that i found from youtube.
(:
Start from watching this 1st episode part 1. :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc_OgmGo-Ww

Enjoy watching!! (:

I've uploaded quite a few songs from the drama, nice korean songs too. :D

Just Barely Hangin' Onto Love...

2009-06-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

I'm back to posting now.
Sorry to all for MIA-ING again.
I really needed a break from everything.
Have been thinking alot.
I realize that i still love my boy alot.
Raymond daddy msged me & said:
" nuer must last long with your boyf okay. {: "
It's like we've come so far.
Instead of thinking of giving up after what we've all been through for,
why don't we continue & try to keep going on till we get the outcome that we both want?
When i needed you,
you were there for me.
The things that u did for me,
touched me & made me held on till now.
Misunderstanding cleared once again.

Here's a picture of my beloved pets. (:

Will continue blogging tomorrow then. (:
Tags replied at respective blogs. :D

MIA-ING.

2009-06-19T03:53:00.000-07:00

Will be MIA-ING until next sunday.
Will be returning on monday to blog.
Maybe will blog.
Don't know if i would be in the mood to blog.
So, no promises.
I feel so exhausted.
No more energy left.
Like all so drained.
Hate this feeling.

"maybe, i'm really not worthy of your love.
maybe, i should really let everything go...
but i really can't do it.
b'cuz i really love u way too much.
but all of a sudden i feel that we are both from totally different worlds.
mayb, if i let u go...
u might be more happier & find a better one than me..
after all,
i still can't enter your inner world.
What i sense is that u're starting to shut me off your inner world.
No matter how hard i try,
i can't push the heart doors of yours open.
i really feel like crying.
but i am trying not to.
I don't want to feel so weak in front of you."

"since i can't blog or express my feelings in blog,
then i'll keep it all to myself.
at least nobody points at you as if it's like u're in fault."

"& mOgutOu, really sorry about everything...
i really don't know how to face you.
but i hope we can carry on being friends.
i know u tried to explain yourself,
as u don't want my boyf to misunderstand,
& u don't want to cause a drift between us.
I understand, & i thank u for that."

For this one week,
will be doing quite alot of reflecting & considering.
Will be going out too.
I can't think when i'm at home. -'-
Alrights.
Bye people.
Until the next time... yea.

I think,

we're drifting...

further & further away....

I don't wanna lose you,

yes, i want to hold you.

I fell in love with you,

I felt happiness within.

Why do i feel so sad now?

Has our love died?

Are we on the breaking down verge?

My world used to revolve around you.

But now,

i feel as if i lost my sense of direction.

I feel so scared deep within.

All i see is darkness.

I'm really so afraid of losing you,

but at the same time..

I don't want to see you unhappy over me always.

I feel as if i had sinned a thousand times.

I'm so sorry; but i love you.

I really do.

Mayb, i should not be so selfish.

But i can't help but being so.

I just love you way too much.

I've never thought of harming or hurting you.

Can we still go on???

Entertainment News

2009-06-17T04:10:00.000-07:00

Before

After

Jolin Tsai going on a 3 month break.

Taiwan pop star Jolin Tsai wants to visit London for holiday and take a short course in the capitol city of UK.

The Taiwanese Diva, Jolin Tsai, will be going on her well-deserved break after a decade in showbiz. But this is not without a high opportunity cost.

Her manager has approved of Jolin Tsai's three months leave from September to December. Within this period, it is estimated that she will be losing an income of about NT$50million (about S$2.5million).
He said, "In our (the company's) opinion, Jolin's health is more important than making money.

If not for some assignments already contracted, I would have let her go on leave earlier."
The manager also revealed that Tsai would be moving away from the media gaze and going abroad for a short course within the period of her leave.

In Singapore last month with her new album, Tsai openly expressed that she has never been on leave since she entered showbiz 10 years ago and even on her rest days, she is always on standby.

She is therefore hoping for a long break in the second half of the year after her album launch and the subsequent promotions.
With high expectations for herself and constantly putting herself to challenges in every album, Tsai has injured herself in the process. A few months back, her waist ailment suffered a relapse when she was training for ballet dances for her new album.

As a result, she has had to cancel nine concerts and stop dancing for two months.
The leave is thus timely for the weary pop queen to revitalize her soul, as well as recuperate from her ailments.

She will resume work end December.

Notice.

2009-06-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

I re-edited my whole blogskin already.
So yea. (:
Cbox is also up already.
So people, tag!! (:
& also. click my ads for me.
Thks muchs. (:

Notice!!

2009-06-13T02:05:00.000-07:00

Will be removing my tagboard temporarily.
This action takes effect starting from today.
Due to the recent state of spammers spamming my blog;
& polluting it with porn websites links.
Kindly bear with it.
Will place the chatbox back once the storm is over. (:
Sorry for the inconvenience caused.
If there's anything, comment me at friendster.
Or those who have plurk, give me your response there. :D
Continue to click my nuffnang ads for me,
pretty please? ^^
Thanks alot.

Last but not least,
Tag Replies:

Tiffany K.: if ue wan apple pie jiu apple pie bah
yumiko: but i thought u alrdy have 1 apple-pie? (:

p.c: thanks so much! bt thn hor, vry worried after rebonding my face will look vry big lor. considering
yumiko: u're welcomes! don't worry lar, will b nice i'm sure. :D take ur time to consider, no rush at all hahah. :D

Tell me why; ain't nothing but a heart-wrenching pain?

2009-06-13T01:31:00.000-07:00

Pretending like there's nothing to do with you. -'-
Bitch & liar!!

This feeling is killing me.

Have you ever spare a thought for me?

None of you did , no one.

Don't you think this world is far too unfair?

Tell me why humans have so much troubles and problems?

Tell me why humans likes/want to lie?

Tell me why humans likes to complain?
Tell me why humans are greedy?

Tell me why must humans look down on humans?

Tell me why humans discriminate humans?

Tell me why can't humans understand human's feelings?
Tell me why must the rich look down on the poor?

Tell me why do friends come and go,

betray, backstab, tell lies?

Tell me why love comes and go?

Tell me why can't love be sweet and long lasting?

Tell me why should love have endings?

Tell me why parents like to believe what teachers says?

Tell me why can't we make friends with people who doesn't like to study?

Tell me what's wrong with having not-so-good results?

Tell me why can't we make friends with people who did study,

but just that they didn't do well for exams?

Tell me why are there so many attention seekers?
Tell me why people likes gossiping?

Tell me why do people thinks that they are prettier/more charming than some of the others?Tell me why must people bitch about someone else, someone else whom they don't even know, someone else who did nothing wrong?

Tell me why must people push all the fault to the innocents?

Tell me why can't people forgive and forget?

Tell me why should people give in when they should not?

Tell me why should people wait for something which is gone for good?

Tell me why should one be faithful?

Tell me why can't a faithful one get true love?

Tell me why are there people who are so faithful, yet they get betrayed by love ones?

Tell me why do people apologize only after they know their mistakes?

Tell me why can't people cherish what they have, and regret only after they lose it?

Tell me why should guys promise about forever?

Tell me why guys say love and forever, but let go and forget about it so easily?

Tell me why should girls cry for guys?

Tell me why love is so hard to control?

Tell me why should there be happy memories, and no never ending?

Tell me how to make a love last long, or forever?

Tell me that love is unconditional, isn't it?

Tell me is true love worth waiting?

Tell me is there forever love?

Tell me should I trust love?

Tell me should one change for his/her love one?

Tell me , will time bring me back?

This world is too unfair.

Too many things to solve, to tell.

Maybe some are meant to be left unsaid or unsolve.

One day you'll know, if it's meant for you to know.

I want a new BFF!! (:

2009-06-12T03:58:00.000-07:00

Yuki, i don't know who you are, stop spamming alrights.
I don't need you to give me comments uhhs.
I say this for the last time.
I know who you are already.
Stop pretending to be Yumiko. -.-
That's so lame, & put a sex;porn webbie ask ur link.
Do something better lah. -.-
I've said my piece.

Today's a normal day for me. (:
But today did some homework. :D
Because, yesterday i played quite a lot.
I went to 883 for audition gaming.
I did my 1st perfect x19 yesterday. :D
Yuki is back again, she's really a pain on my neck man!! Uhhs. -.-
Just what the hell does she want from me bodoh. -'-
Stop pretending & put ur damn name lah.
Idiot lo, hide behind computer.
Like so chicken sial.
Ok, enough of her.
She just gets on my nerves uhhs. -.-
Alrights, will update more tmr. (:
Will be going for hair-rebonding tmr. :D
But my damn computer spoil. -.-
I can't post pictures up.
Sads, oh well...
What to do?
Be patient.
What else can i do?
Lols. (:

I want a new BFF. !! :D

I want someone who:
-will go jogging with me;
-tries to understands me,
-befriend me with sincerity;
-is matured enough-one who can handle conflicts between friends well;
-doesn't compares between me & her-like who's chio-er & stuffs like that;
-willing to be there when i need someone to be here for me;
-must be willing to accept good & bad comments;
-doesn't despise me;
-don't bitch about other people's stuffs;
-is trustworthy;
-is not materialistic; -being realistic is fine, but not too over to the extend of being materialistic
-is not vain; -being vain is what all girls will be, but not to the extent of thinking that you're miss universe. -.-
-is not so modernize like how people are nowadays; doesn't go after all the trends to the extreme point.
-doesn't see $$ as an important factor;
-have a style of your own;
-will accept me for who i am;

Match these criterias as stated above?
Please let me know. (:

Great Singapore Sales Deals

2009-06-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALE
29 May - 26 July 2009

Mediacorp is selling clothings that are worned by Mediacorp artises.
Can you imagine that you're wearing Fann Wong's evening gown or dress that she had once worn before? (:
Moreover, it's selling at extreme low price.
Make a trip there to check it out yourself.

Want to have a hair treat for yourself??
D'image is the place for you.
Rebonding- ~~$110 up~~ $45 now up to bra-length
Digital Perm- ~~$150 up~~ $55 now up to bra-length
Color/Highlight- ~~$40 up~~ $18 up now
Hair treatment- ~~$35 up~~ $15 up now
Haircut- ~~$12 up~~ $6 up now
By appointment & Bring Flyer to Qualify.
They are giving out these flyers at mrt stations, bus interchange & even door to door.
Keep them if you see them.
I have one with me. (:
Promotion ends till 30th of June '09.
So what are you waiting for?? ;D

Where to shop during this GSS season??

Downtown shopping:
Bugis can be quite a great shopping paradise. (:

Wander among the hundreds of stalls at Bugis Street that are vying for your attention. From CDs to clothes and accessories to quick bites, you will be spoilt for choice.
For the young and trendy in search of a good bargain, browse through the air-conditioned stretch of stalls on the second floor.

Across the road at Bugis Junction, small carts line an indoor street mall with great accessory finds. Here is where you can enjoy shopping indoors with natural daylight in air-conditioned comfort.

A few steps to the north will bring you to Albert Mall, where you'll find homegrown department store OG and the computer-techno hub - Sim Lim Square.

NEIGHBOURHOOD CENTRES
Scroll over these places & click for more information. (:
Bus number services are stated. :D
Heartland Fiesta/888 Plaza/Admiralty Place/Bras Basah Complex/Chong Pang City/Dawson Place/Depot Heights Shopping Centre/Elias Mall/Fajar Shopping Centre Gek Poh Shopping Centre/Greenridge Shopping Centre/Limbang Shopping Centre/Loyang Point/Pasir Ris West Plaza Pioneer Mall/Rivervale Plaza /Sunshine Plaza Taman Jurong Shopping Centre/Tampines Central Community Complex/Vista Point Woodlands Mart/Woodlands North Plaza/Yew Tee Shopping Centre

These are neighbourhood shopping centres. (:
Usually stuffs at places like this are usually few times cheaper than those at the malls. :D

If you’re prepared to venture further afield, you can combine shopping with a little sightseeing off the beaten track. In fact, you’ll discover some of the best bargains where most Singaporeans live, eat and shop - out in the Heartlands of Singapore.

The neighbourhood centres here offer a surprisingly comprehensive range of items from branded to local goods at prices that will delight the value-conscious and determined bargain-hunter. Business hours vary from shop to shop but as a general guide, most shops are open from 11am to 9pm.
Many of the neighbourhood centres are easily accessible by buses and the MRT. Shopping at these bustling centres is a fascinating experience, providing insight into the local lifestyle and a chance to mingle with Singaporeans at their most comfortable. You’ll also reap another benefit - the opportunity to tuck into delicious local fare at the numerous food centres and informal coffee shops!

So, start your shopping spree NOW !! (:

A Style Like No Others

2009-06-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

Went Ubi today,
but for some reasons,
boyf & I went to bedok instead.
So yea. (:
I had a very fruitful day.
I learn quite a few tips.
Let me share with you randomly. :D

I realised that most of my blog readers are females,
so today it's all about girls & ladies. (:
A feminine talk today,
so let's begin.

Have you girls ever had a bad hair day?
When your hair just doesn't go the way you expect it to be,
so frizzy & dull.
Have you girls ever get bored of your hair style that doens't have that volume that you want it to have?
When you feel that your hair is real damn shitty & way too flat.
You tried to use a curler or a straightener to get the desired result that you want,
however it just seems to be lacking of something?
Or you tried to apply styling wax, gel, or some sort of hair cream etc...
but still doesn't work?
Instead of helping, but you ended up having sticky hair?

Alrights,
NO FEAR!!
Let me introduce a hair product brand to you:
"Lucido-L"
Moreover, it's non-stick. (:
I've used it before, & it's proven to be effective.

Let me share 3 of the hair products with you, which i strongly recommend.
For hair crowns & fringes like bangs or sides:
#Smash Fixer

It's best for creating airnesss at the crown & fringes.
Here's some tip on how to go about using it to style.

Use your fingers to shake the roots of hair vigorously while blow drying.
Blend wax evenly & apply to the crown or fringe, rubbing it in closely from different angles.
Lastly, pinch to group hair at the crown for volume & height.

For damaged & frizzy hair:
#Ex-Treatment

It's best for creating a smooth & silky look on straight hair, it also conditions hair.
Styling Tips:

Use hair clips to pin up the outward facing part of your hair. Blow dry from the inside. Use a roller brush gently to pull your hair outward.
After blow-drying, apply wax. Do not apply all at once; apply separately to outer & inner surfaces.
To finish, blow-dry whilst running fingers through hair. Create natural group movements & gloss.

For hrdrating permed hair which is prone to drying out:
#Swing Loose

It's best for creating natural shapely waves.
Styling Tips:

Gather hair around the neck into one bundle on the left & another on the right. Twist inwards & blow with hair dryer on a low setting.
After blow-drying, apply wax gently into your palm & gently rub into waves from the surface.
To finish, run fingers through hair & loosen by gently shaking it. Make sure waves are created for each group of hair.

That's the end of my sharing for today.
Lucido-L designing pots are also available in mini version.
Mini one cost only $4.80, the big one cost only $9.60.
Avaiable at a reasonable price. (:
It's available at watsons stores.
Prices may vary at other stores.
Check out for more information at http://www.lucido-l.sg/

Tag Replies:

Nana: I'm not tryin' to spam, somehow, it's just a comment/advices to you. cheers(:
9 Jun 09, 07:37 AM
Nana: as my friend's one. Just kindly hope that you'll have your own originality..
9 Jun 09, 07:35 AM
Nana: Hi, i'm just a random passer-by and well, no offence but your blogging contents is totally th same
9 Jun 09, 05:59 AM
yumiko: Hi nana, who's ur so called friend btw? I do have my own originality. Glad to know that u're not another one who claims to be Yuki to spam & pollute my blog. I thank you for that. Thks for your advice anyway. But I have my reasons for putting this layout, 1stly easier to manage. As i'm one who always deletes my template codes accidentally. So i decide that using this blog layout in the blogger system itself helps me to keep all my codes well. (: & don't judge me if you don't me as stated in the about me column. I'm not the only one using this skin, neither is your friend the only one who's able to use. If y'all feel disgusted at this layout i'm using, just prevent from coming to my blog. (: Nice to know u anyway, take care. :D Have a nice day! ;D

Seperation is what i experience...

2009-06-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

從來沒想過
不能再和你牽手
委屈時候沒有你
陪著我心痛

一切都是我
太過驕縱
以為你會懂
一直忘了說
我有多感動

我知道你還是愛著我
雖然分開的理由
我們都已接受
你知道我會有多難過
所以即使到最後
還微笑著要我加油

我知道你還放不下我
才會在離開時
閉著眼沒有回頭
我們都知道彼此心中
其實這份愛沒停過

曾經完整幸福的夢
在腦海裡頭
我多希望你
還在我左右

答應你我會好好過
不讓這些眼淚白流

Listened to this song,
i like it very much.
I'm feeling rather down now.
Friendship is never lasting.
For a minor problem like this,
can cause both parties to fall out with one another,
regardless of how long both of you have been together as friends.
I understand one thing that no friends is trustable,
there's no forever friends,
friends just come & go.
Sepration is part & parcel of life.
I guess everyone of us have to face it.

I'm bidding you goodbye; take care.

Hello Yuki The Alien

2009-06-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

Yuki: at least i dont do disgusting things in de dark like u n afraid to let others find out
8 Jun 09, 06:24 PM
Yuki: aniwae oops i forgot le, u cant go inside girls home, now is changi women prison le aiseh.
8 Jun 09, 06:23 PM
Yuki: yucks! tis is indeed my real name, nt lyk u need ta forge out a fake identity.
8 Jun 09, 04:31 PM

Who are you?
If u don't wanna admit your real name, it's ok.
But definitely, yuki ain't your real name duh!
I ain't 3 year old kiddy. (:
Lmaos.
Disgusting things?? Whoa, you spy me arh?
How you know what's my age & how you know i'm old enough to go Changi Prison?
I'm sure you're someone I know.
Please lah,
hate me,
just go away lah.
How old already still spam.
Get a life man. -'-
I have my reason for putting yumiko.
From now on, you spam i ban. (:
Don't pollute my blog laa dey.
Anyway, Yuki is sucha cute name. (:

Happy Birthday To Sok Ling Bendan!!

2009-06-08T06:49:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday To Sok Ling Bendan!!

Although we've been gans for quite some time only,

but i want to let you know that i cherish you as a friend.

May all your wishes come true.

Stay pretty & happy always.

Once again,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

{w loves}

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to Sok Ling,

Happy Birthday to you~

*Blow out the candles & make a wish*

DEDICATED TO DOG SPAMMERS.

2009-06-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

Yuki: yucks siewmin is a b!tch, gt real name dun wanna use o.O u shld hav been sent to girls home n locked inside. gd riddance

Okays, 1st thing, hello spammer. :D
If i'm a bitch, then u're a dog.
I got real name don't use, thn what about u?
If u dare, put ur real name luh. (:
Whether i should go girls home or not also not for you to decide laa dey. (:
Good riddance to some dogs like you k. (:
Don't like me, just alt F4.
Yucks, my house dog also cuter than you leh. (:
Spam more if you want, i welcome all negative comment uhhs.
By saying how imperfect i am,
are you soooo perfect?
Bahs, just scram.
Locked inside??
O.o are you a judge??
I'm get so damn freaked out man.
One last time i say,
you dare you put your real name luh.
Say people, say yourself.
Lmaos. ;D
Reflect on yourself before you come say me.
Hahah, SPAMMERS ARE CUTE. (:
Spam more alrights. (:
Will be looking forward to it. :D

2009-06-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

This post might be abit long-winded, but it's really useful.
Read on!!

The following signs are proven symptoms of relationship deterioration that are associated with a greatly increased probability of breakup:
1) Feeling Distant
2) Increase in Arguing or Negativity
3) Lack of Affection
4) Increase in Anger, Hostility and/or Sarcasm
5) Avoidance of Each Other; Stonewalling
6) Trust Issues (affairs; hiding cell phone/texting; suspicious absences)

If You're Having One or More of the Signs Listed Above,
Be Sure to Take Some Action Soon to Improve Your Situation.

The main problem for most couples is a lack of skills:
often in the areas of communication, anger management,
commitment, conflict resolution and/or intimacy skills.

You may not know how to successfully resolve ongoing
hurts/resentments; betrayal of trust; affairs; cheating or other infidelity-related issues;
verbal abuse; anger; and/or distance/lack of closeness in your relationship.

Resolving Conflict, Creating Solutions.
This is what i'll share today.

Many people view conflicts in a relationship as a bad sign, as if couples should not have disagreements. Couples are bound to have squabbles every now & then. Conflicts are inevitable in intimate relationships.
Conflict is not something to be avoided or minimized but rather to be embraced as a signal that something needs to change or grow in either or both people.
However, couples often have areas of conflict that cause repetitive arguments that are very difficult to resolve.

There are typically four major blocks to healthy communication which couples experience in their interactions:
1. Arguing or Withdrawing
2. Blaming and Accusing
3. Not Listening
4. Changing the Subject

Instead of arguing or withdrawing, couples can learn to:
-Stop and cool down; leave the situation if necessary for a while
-Set a specific time and place to talk again
-Don't interrupt your partner; let them express
-Acknowledge your partner's concerns

Instead of Blaming and Accusing, couples can learn to:
-Discuss your feelings in a responsible way
-If you discuss your partner's behavior, again do so in terms of your feelings
-Let your partner know your feelings when they engage in the behavior
-Tell your partner the consequences of their behavior to you

Instead of not listening, couples can learn to:
-Listen to understand: even if you don't agree with what you're partner is saying, pay attention and listen to it.
-Summarize: after you've heard them, paraphrase and repeat back what you heard. "So what I heard you say was..."
-Verify: when you are done summarizing what you heard your partner say, ask them, "Did I hear you correctly?" Let them give you feedback. Maybe you missed an important element of what they said. This is not a test and not about being right or wrong; it's about listening and your partner being heard.
-Be open and receptive for more input: when your partner has agreed that you have heard them on that one comment, ask them, "Is there anything else you want to say?" Let them know that they have the floor until they are finished getting everything out that they need to.

Instead of changing the subject, couples can learn to:
By agreeing ahead of time to talk only about one topic and nothing else, couples can make significant progress on an issue. It may take several sessions to hear what each other has to say about a topic, just as it took some time for the feelings about it to develop. Be patient and keep talking.

For good communication to occur, it must be the right time and place.
So start learning right now!! (:
Then we'll all be able to enjoy a long-lasting & happy relationship. ;D

Differences between Men & Women

2009-06-06T20:00:00.001-07:00

Men & Women are very different in different areas.
Ever heard the saying that men are from mars, women are from venus?
Both genders from different planets.

In Relationships:
For a man, commitment means giving up fantasy of other beautiful women.
For a woman, commitment means expecting man to give up that fantasy.

In Sexual Sense:
When a man falls in love, he wants to go to bed.
When a woman falls in love, she wants to talk about it.

Woman: "I love the lines the men use to get us into bed."
Man: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
Woman: "What am I, a microwave?"

Man's greatest advantage in the battle of the sexes is woman's curiosity.
Women have a greater imagination than men, it's beyond men's imagination.

One puzzling thing about men is that they allow their sex instincts to drive them to where their intelligence never would take them.

Falling in love:
Men always want to be a woman's first love.
Women wants to be a man's last romance.

To women, love is an occupation.
To men, it's a preoccupation.

Buying things:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.

Giving Ideas:
When a man gives his opinion, he's brilliant.
When a woman gives her opinions, she's gossipping.

That's why men & women often quarrel.
In relationships, how to salvage the situations before things goes out of hands?
I'll share it with u in another post tommorrow. :D

For the fans of Lady Gaga

2009-06-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what you can do to your old dull hair girls?? (:
Watch this video.
It teaches you to make a bow on your head with your own hair. :D
You can learn as you watch.

Check this video out too. (:

And for those who don't want such a big bow on your head, there's also a method.
Watch this. (:

Remember to turn off my music player before playing these videos. ;D

Saving $$ !! :D

2009-06-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to:

Is saving $$ only about cutting down your expenses?
& even to the extent of giving up on buying the things you really love?

Saving is not just about cutting costs,
but also changing your lifestyle.

Saving money does not mean depriving yourself!!
Let's be clear that "saving" does not mean "stop spending".

To save money, I recommend using the C.E.O. Rule:
Cut costs (but don't overdo it that you're being adressed as a miser)
Earn more (get yourselves a job; for students, a part time job will do)
Optimizing your existing spending (bargain for prices like places at bugis street OR compare prices before buying; & buy it within your estimated budget.)

You can use those three guidelines to create significant savings.
You want tips that are both short-term/tactical, & long-term/strategic.
You want tips that help you automate your money, simplify your spending, & work towards your goals.
I'm sure you don't want to just focus on cutting down on living your life, because how long can you really sustain a life with no enjoyment?
Isn't it?
No $$, No L-I-F-E.

Other little frugility tips for you:
Phone Bills.
1. Take note of how many minutes you use each month.
Now take a look at your plan. If you have 700 minutes and use less than that, can you move yourself down to the next lowest plan? You can save a whole chunk of change if you just change your minute usage!

2. Look closely at your bill and plan.
Sometimes cell phone companies tack on extra charges you did not ask for. Some of these may include data packages, insurance, or others. If you don't recall asking for these specific features, have them removed immediately! Sometimes, if you complain to the right representative, they will even give you a refund or discount for adding the services you initially did not ask for.

3. Pay attention to your texting.
You may have a plan on there that is completely unnecessary for the amount of texting that you do. If you have unlimited texting and do less than a couple hundred a month, think about removing that current feature and adding a text message plan of 200 or so. This can save you money instantly!

4. Stop texting; Call people instead.
If you find you are paying a lot of money due to not having a texting plan or going over, use your minutes instead! Sometimes people only use their phones for text messaging and use very few of their minutes. Use the phone for calling! After all, that's what it is made for.

5. Before buying a phone.
Before you even buy a phone, pick a carrier that will have free calling to those who have the same carrier. You will save quite a bit of money if the people you call the most have the same phone carrier as you.

6. Still having problems saving money on your bill?
Go pre-paid. This way you will not get any extra charges on your phone and will know directly how much money you will need to pay for it each month. Pre-paid is getting to be more popular, especially with the recession. It's a great way to save money. ( $30 bonus value cards have additional value of up to $100-that should last about a month!) Imagine buying a prepaid card for only $30 & you can use up to a value of $ 100. Worth it, isn't it? I myself Go pre-paid. (: I'm able to text more & i don't worry about the bills every month. :D

P.s: But if you still prefer using a phone line, then choose a phone plan wisely. (:

I hope this post will help you to learn how to be save $$ wisely. ;x
& last but not least, please help me click on my nuffnang ads. :D

I'm back.

2009-06-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

Yea, back finally.
But i don't think anyone really cared anyway.
But thanks for people who tagged.
I appreciate all of you.
Drank breezer ytd, peach flavour.
My favourite. :D
It's like god damn long since i last drank that. ;x

Yesterday, was our 1st year together.

& it's like any other ordinary day.

It was kind of out of my expectation,

i didn't expect it to turn out like this.

But, oh well just simple?

Yeah, that simple.

Am i one who's bound to lose all the friends around me?

Am i one who's always being the one who's in the wrong?

At times, i really didn't know how people look upon me,

but now i do.

I'm selfish, irresponsible & direct.

Maybe it's because of how i experienced how good friends betray me.

& that's the reason why,

i'm kind of un-social nowadays.

Because i've experienced betrayal from the closest ones,

i developed some feelings:

- i guard against people.

- not trusting people.

- protecting myself.

- not letting myself lose out in anything.

- being direct with my words.

etc...

The closest friends i had betrayed me,

& caused me the deepest hurt.

That's why.

But if you befriend me with sincerity,

i'll appreciate u as a friend,

& cherish. (:

Friends who understand me,

will also understand this change in me.

I feel so withdrawn from the world.